Fall Out Man

It's hard to grow up. The transition from carefree youth to responsible adult is a difficult one, but everyone has to do it. Even emo bands. Enter Fall Out Boy. Believe it or not, it's been ten years since Fall Out Boy arrived on the scene (not to be confused with a "gosh darn" arms race) and the band members are now in their 30s. In the 2000s, they could get away with snarky lyrics, trendy clothes, and guy-liner, but now that it's the 2010s, those things only make the band look like they're trying too hard. So how does a pop punk band transition gracefully into adulthood? How do they remain relevant without appearing outdated? How does Fall Out Boy become Fall Out Man?

Well, I have an idea. Appeal to the younger crowd by continuing to play the same catchy music, but change the lyrics for the older crowd... something they can relate to. (Also, lose the guy-liner.) For instance, replace the lyrics for Sugar We're Goin Down with these:

I found a niiiice house in the good part of town

Sugar let's make a down payment

It's close to work, so it's prudent

Let's make a big offer, so they can't refuse it

Or maybe turn Dance, Dance into:

Fi-nance
We gotta pay those bills on time
Fi-nance
We gotta live within our means
Fi-nance is the way we make do, you see
Make the most of our mon-ey-ey

Or rewrite Grand Theft Autumn/Where Is Your Boy to say:

Let's not go out to-night
I real-ly feel like staying in
And maybe we'll chill and watch HBO
Cuz it's a lot bet-ter than hang-ing out downtown

Just an idea.

Who knows... Fall Out Boy may very well have grown up without my help... but last I heard, the bassist had a baby with Ashlee Simpson and named it Bronx Mowgli... so I doubt it.