Wednesday, November 27, 2013

10(+) Things I Hate About UGA: 2013 Edition

Hate Week presents some problems for me. It's a challenge to balance my intense hatred for UGA with my inclination to not to be a total jerk. Part of me thinks it's in the spirit of the rivalry to bash the other school, while the other part realizes the inherent hypocrisy of degrading a school because I find its fans so... degrading. Maybe it's irrational to think the two sides of me can coexist... but what's college football if not irrational? In that spirit, I would like to present this year's version of my annual Hate poem. Georgia fans, I simultaneously apologize and hope it stings:

10(+) Things I Hate About UGA

I hate the way your fans all bark; you're not canines, you know?
I hate the way you misspell dogs; there's no A, it's an O
I hate how if your players went to Tech, they'd never pass
I hate how at your school, one of the majors is Turfgrass (it's true, look it up)
I hate how you call Tech kids nerds; okay, it's kinda true
But us nerds have four titles and you Dogs only have two
I hate how in recruiting, your school's the top banana
I hate how y'all love Athens, but you all live in Atlanta
I hate that in the war years, the Tech wins are contested
I hate how every season half your players get arrested
I hate the hedges, Hairy Dawg, and I hate black and red
I hate your drooling mascot; does it know that's it's inbred?

But I think I could get past these things, these UGA shortcomings
I can deal with Aaron Murray; I admire Gurley's running
But there's one thing I can't get past, and that thing's in the stands
The thing ALL people truly hate: obnoxious Georgia fans