Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Hipster Santa 2013

Don't call it a comeback! Hipster Santa returns to spread holiday irony, apathy, wit, and cynicism. Isn't that cool? Well, he thought it was cool before you did.

Hipster Santa has an apathetic attitude toward jingling as well as ring-ting-tingling. He does, however, like politics -- he's a card-carrying member of the Ugly Christmas Sweater Party.

Hipster Santa remembers Elmo before he went all mainstream. Back in the day, Elmo would have never allowed The Man to tickle him. Guess the money changed him. Not Hipster Santa... he refuses to be part of the system.

Hipster Santa doesn't follow mainstream sports like football, basketball, and hockey. He only likes sports that no one cares about, like figure skating and New York Mets baseball.

Hipster Santa never knew his father, but who needs a dad when you have every Elliott Smith record on vinyl?

Hipster Santa has a style all his own and American Apparel is his store of choice for all his wardrobe needs. American Apparel just so happens to be the store of choice for all other hipsters too... all of whom shopped there before the other. Not to brag, but Hipster Santa shopped there most first.

The Trayvon case deeply affected Hipster Santa... much more so than it affected you. Now he's extremely involved in the gentrification of the North Pole.

Hipster Santa would tell you his favorite bands, but you've probably never heard of them. Ho ho oh, what the heck... he likes Death Sled For Cutie, Christmas Eve 6, North Interpol, Cookies Milk Hotel, LCD Snowsystem, Elf Elf Cool J, Sleet Foxes, and Hanson.

Hipster Santa is aware of the current controversy over his skin color, but he honestly doesn't know if he's black or white -- he's too tolerant to notice things like that.

Hipster Santa doesn't touch that generic stuff. If it's not from a microbrewery, it gets a lump of coal.