Friday, August 12, 2011

Sesame Straight

Bert and Ernie have been in the headlines recently thanks to this campaign to have the two Sesame Street residents wed on the popular children's program. As expected, this has caused quite the ruckus as gay puppet marriage is indeed a hot button issue in today's society. Now as much as I enjoy muppet drama, I feel like Sesame Street has more important issues to deal with than the legal union of its mismatched pair... such as:

The giant yellow bird terrorizing the neighborhood streets. It may seem harmless enough, but I don't trust anything that's seven feet tall and can't dunk.

The purple vampire living in the anachronistic castle down the street. The creature is sure to wreak havoc on the Sesame youth once he grows tired of enumerating. Count on it.

The homeless green monster rummaging through the neighborhood garbage. What if he unsorts the recycling?

The streets are teeming with monsters... none of whom have eyelids. This means they're always watching.

A political debate over gay puppet marriage seems kinda silly compared to these alarming facts... or, you know, just silly in general. Like "brought to you by the letter S" silly.