How To Lose A Guy In 10 Daze

Sick of chick flicks? See Rachel McAdams' face everywhere? Feel like the only things you ever do are Eat, Pray, and Love? You sir, may be suffering from what I like to call "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Daze." It's a dreadful condition in which you're eternally obligated to watch chick flicks with your wife or girlfriend. But fear not, manly man, for there is hope. Here are few ways to help escape all the girly (Sandra) bullocks.

1. Suggest a movie with a hot guy in it.

Chick flick me as hard as you can

"Hey, let's watch this one. It's got People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive Bradley Cooper in it."

Bam, you're watching the Hangover. Keanu Reeves = Point Break. Brad Pitt = Fight Club.

2. Tell her that you think the girl in the chick flick she picked is hot.

"Oh, we're watching Win A Date With Tad Hamilton? That's cool, Kate Bosworth is hot.
"Is she prettier than me?"
"Well, we're about to find out. Press play."
"No wait, I think it's your turn to pick."

Just be careful with this one, there are some snags with this step. For instance:

1. Make sure you know who the actress is:

"Hey, let's watch Uptown Girls."
"What's that?"
"It's that cute little movie with Dakota Fanning."
"Ok, fine. Dakota Fanning is hot."
"She's like 12 years old."

2. Make sure the she isn't a he:

"Let's watch Bringing Up Baby."
"Who's in that?"

Makes Step 5 easier

"Cary Grant."
"Cool. She's hot."
"Cary Grant's a man."

3. Stretch the truth.

"Oh, NOTTING Hill... I thought you said HAMBURGER Hill."

4. Flat out lie

"Sorry honey, Blockbuster was all out of business  chick flicks, so I rented Die Hard. It has some dialogue, so I think you'll like it."

"Nicholas Sparks killed my dad. I can't, in good conscience, watch movies based on his books."

5. Deal with it. 

Chick flicks aren't always bad. I happen to like Pride and Prejudice, Atonement, and Love Actually, among others. Of course, maybe I just like Keira Knightley.

FoW MTR: Hunger Games Edition

By David Hammock, Stephan Rabbitt

Editor's Note: The Hunger Games opens this weekend and will no doubt approach Harry Potter box office numbers ($150 million)... especially with IMAX tickets that cost like $35 with a super huge small popcorn. In honor of the movie's release, FoW MTR reviewed all the trailers to whet your appetite for the blockbuster. Don't worry, the puns get worse.

Teaser Trailer


Rabbitt: This is just a great teaser. When this was released, most everyone knew of Jennifer Lawrence. Maybe it was from her Oscar-nominated performance in Winter's Bone, her not-as-disguised-as-often-as-you-would-think Mystique in X-Men First Class, or her heart-breaking portrayal of Sam in Like Crazy. I love the isolation. All we see is J-Law, which is never a bad thing. But here, it also serves to show that this is an every boy and girl for themselves battle, especially given that we all knew a little bit about the story prior to watching. And I'm not sure if it is because I grew up on The Legend of Zelda, but I just love the bow and arrow as a weapon. 5 stars.

Hammock: Let me preface this by saying that I'm a big, big fan of the books and I'll do my best not to be a douche about details and spoilers. For those who have read the books, this trailer is about one thing: Katniss. At this point, we all knew that J-Law would be portraying the protagonist and readers everywhere were dying to see how the silver screen version of Katniss stacked up to the Katniss in their imaginations. I, for one, was happy. It's hard to be dissatisfied any time you get an eyeful of Jennifer Lawrence, but I was a little worried that she wouldn't pass for a 16 year old. She's close enough. Certainly closer than the cast of Saved by the Bell. The teaser also gives us a small taste of the plot, just enough to get us excited.Capitol job, teaser trailer maker. 5 stars for you... and 1 special, sensual star just for you, J-Law.

Trailer 1

Hammock: Watching these Hunger Games trailers reminds me of watching Harry Pottertrailers back in the day. I would pause during every scene to try to figure out what was what from the book. I've matured a lot since then... I mean, I only paused this one like three times. All in all, I think the trailer is a good, straightforward summary of the plot. It's pretty simple really: Running Man with innocent children instead of criminals. Or is it more like Breakfast Club with weapons? I wonder if they'll give Lenny Kravitz a chance at some quality meta. I can totally see his character exclaiming that he "wants to get away" or asking Katniss if she's "gonna go his way." He is Lenny Kravitz after all... he can do whatever the Effie wants. That's right, I'm ending all my responses with awful Hunger Games puns.

Rabbitt: David and I are examples of the two types of people that will be going to see this movie: those who have read the book and those that haven't. I will not be disappointed by any differences between the book and the movie because I have not read  it. However, this trailer was of paramount importance for those that had read the book. For the first time, they get to compare the spectacle that was bound only by their imagination to the Hollywood production. The characters now have an identity. Were you picturing Lenny Kravitz as Cinna before? Well you will be from now on! Coming from someone that hasn't read the book, I think the trailer is great.

Trailer 2

Rabbitt: Those of us who haven't read the book have seen the gold bird with an arrow in its grasp on Hunger Games posters and trailers, but we find out what to call it and get our first look at the characters with the mockingjay in this final trailer. Otherwise, we get most of the same material as the main theatrical trailer. Everybody is locked, loaded and ready to go. I've got my ticket for tonight in IMAX and I'm only mildly upset that I won't get to wear this shirt to the theater.

Hammock: I'm actually going to refrain from watching this last trailer because it will just upset me. You see, I couldn't go to the midnight showing last night because I had to teach school this morning and I'm experiencing some very real Hunger pangs. However, not unlike the cylons, I have a plan: to help quell (Pun #3!) my sorrow, I'm going to have a reaping at school today. I'll randomly select one boy and one girl from each class, give them detention, then have them fight over the right to leave detention early and earn a pizza party for their district... I mean period. I'll even splurge for deep dish. That's right kids, if you win, you can Panem. (Ha, that bonus pun is so bad, I'll forgo the option to add Cinna sticks).

David Hammock and Stephan Rabbitt believe the odds are ever in their favor, unless you're talking about getting with Jennifer Lawrence. You can follow their excited reactions about The Hunger Games on Twitter at @david_hammock & @itsrabbitt

Adultz Bop

"They're adults. They're allowed to have fun whenever they want. We're kids, we're supposed to work." 

- George Michael Bluth 

21 albums and counting...

Sigh, if only that were true. It'd be nice to have the roles reversed every once in a while. Kids don't know how good they have it. They don't have to worry about work or bills or adult-onset diabetes... that's the life. Kids get to play all day, eat whatever they want, watch Nickelodeon without having to lie about it, and best of all, they get to listen to Kidz Bop. What's Kidz Bop? 

Kidz Bop is a brand of compilation albums featuring child session musicians performing contemporary music. The albums are composed of "kid-friendly" versions of the latest songs on Top 40 radio and are sung by young children. 

Kidz Bop is just the best. It takes pop music, waters it down (more than it already is), then lets kids sing the vocals! How has a Kidz Bop album never won a Grammy? Oh yeah, Grammys are only for people named Adele.

Sorry Little Jimmy, Adultz Bop is for adultz only

Obviously, I'm joking. Kidz Bop is the one of the very worst ideas of the 21st century. (Right up there with Zune.) BUT, with kids already having it as good as they do and dabbling in our grown-up muzak, I feel like we should return the favor. That's right, kiddies... it's time for Adultz Bop. Don't look now, but we're taking all your sing-a-longs, nursery rhymes, and Disney tunes, adultifying them and having a party. And sorry children, much like Facebook circa 2005, it's for adults only.

Check out some of the tracks!:

The Wheels on the Bus - Metallica

Mary (J. Blige) Had A Little Lamb - Mary J. Blige 

Dem Bones - The Shins

Eensy Weensy Spider - System of A Down

London Bridges - Fergie (duh)

The Ants Go Marching - Dave Matthews Band (also duh)

Down By the Bay - Otis Redding... 's equally talented and very much alive son

Hole in the Bottom of the Sea - Hole

100 Bottles of Beer - Amy Winehouse (too soon?)

The Song That Never Ends - Rush

AND MORE!

Take that, you youths you!

FoW MTR

3/16/12 Edition of Fistful of Words' Movie Trailer Rundown
By David Hammock and Stephan Rabbitt

Battlefield America

 

Hammock: I spent my entire childhood playing with GI Joes, not knowing that there existed a fabulous world of competitive children's street dancing. Well, at least I know now... and knowing is half the battle... but "this isn't a battle, this is war."

Rabbitt: I would just really like to see Marquez Houston in more movies. #sh*tnobodysaysexceptmarquezhouston. 

TS: Guys, I know that my job with these FoW MTR posts is to find trailers and get out of the way. But I can't do that today. I just can't. You've both given short shrift to a trailer that is so ambitiously awful that I can't sit idly by without sharing my thoughts on this awesomeness brought to us by the people who brought us You Got Served.

0:09- City skyline with raucous stadium cheering. Battlefield = a competition. Got it. But what kind?
0:10- 0:14- "This is the biggest battlefield in American history." Why are there tents indoors with crowds of cheering people?
0:15- ZOMG! Dancing! The battlefield is a dancing competition! Nothing generates more excitement than the line "From the team that brought you You Got Served!" It's like four March Madness buzzer beaters!
0:17- Why do the dancers look like their twelve? What's going on here? Is Battlefield Americaabout the long struggle of youngsters who only want to be on America's Best Dance Crew?  
0:35- Dance battles always lead to real battles. Always. This is a cautionary tale.
0:37-0:44- When I said the dancers were twelve, I way overestimated. If anyone in this crew has to look after their little brother, they'd have to carry around a diaper bag. So young. So real. So much dancing.
0:45- 0:48- Black vs. White. Even Obama's election can't solve the entrenched beliefs of these six year olds. 
0:50- More child violence. I want to turn away but can't.
1:02 - 1:05- Marques Houston and the evil white guy from Orange County from You Got Served! Are these their kids? Please let them be their children.
1:05 - 1:49 A lot of dancing and some dialogue. I can't pay attention. I'm distracted that the evil white guy from Orange County hasn't changed his ways now that he's a parent. I'm feeling nostalgic. Did Omarion marry Marques Houston sister? Did they live happily-ever-high school? What about college? Did O hit a growth spurt or does he still have to wear lifts to be taller than his girl?
1:50- Looking past how amazing this movie will be, I'm glad that the Hollywood producers placed eight year olds dancing against each other in proper context by calling it a war. You know, especially after everyone on the planet has watched the Kony 2012 video.
  
I could go on and break down the inevitable Mindless Behavior or Diggy cameos, but I won't. (Knowing about Mindless Behavior and Diggy is definitely something I should throw up on my future Match.com profile). In any event, I look forward to waiting in line to see this movie... at the dollar theater... four weeks after it opens. Can't wait! Now back to you guys. 

What to Expect When You're Expecting

 

Rabbitt: Soundtrack alert: Sleeper Agent's "Get it Daddy" opens up the trailer (see what they did there). Most of this movie was filmed in and around Atlanta, home of the Braves. Much of the trailer footage shows off Piedmont Park. I've seen Sleeper Agent in concert 3 times. I've seen Piedmont Park many times. I will see this movie 0 times.

Hammock: I'd watch this movie just to see Atlanta (my hometown) in the background... kinda like how I like watching The Walking Dead because it's filmed near my old house... and because it's awesome. This is a grab bag cast with some funny people (Jim Dangle and Rob Huebel rocking some Georgia Tech swag!) and ), some people who others think are funny and I don't (Chris Rock, babies) and for some inexplicable reason, Brooklyn Decker. Actually, there are two big reasons Brooklyn Decker is in this or any movie... I think every guy knows what they are... talent and charisma. I'm not as opposed to seeing this one as you Stephan, but I'd much rather see Sleeper Agent in concert... almost as much as Brooklyn Decker would like to see her husband in a Grand Slam final.

Delicacy
 

Hammock: I told you every French movie starred Audrey Tautou! Now, I don't speak French, but it seems like the point of this movie is that Tautou falls in love with a dude who's Frenchin' ugly. This is a somewhat unexplored theme in American cinema (except in Adam Sandler movies) so leave it to the French to teach us Americans a thing or two about inner beauty. I tell ya, France is really on a roll in Hollywood right now. The Artist, Hugo, Midnight in Paris, Napoleon Dynamite, now this... they're le taking ovre.

Rabbitt: You know what is an unexplored theme in French cinema? Diversity. This looks like a nice story with beautiful scenery. Although, it won't beat Piedmont Park with the Atlanta backdrop. Like David, I also do not speak French. However, I can see that our vaguely familiar (but probably not) male lead is big and goofy, runs into glass doors, knocks over wine bottles, and still gets the girl. He must be great at mental math or something. 

You can now follow FoW MTR on Tumblr at http://fowmtr.tumblr.com/. Follow David and Stephan on Twitter @david_hammock @itsrabbitt. 

Strengths and Weaknesses: Jersey Shore

Tonight marks the finale of the fifth (yes fifth) season of Jersey Shore. (That's already two more than Arrested Development.) While I'll be watching March Madness all night, it goes without saying that Jersey Shore is a cultural phenomenon and deserves its spot as the subject of this installment of Strengths and Weaknesses:

Jersey Shore

STRENGTHS

• ?

WEAKNESSES

• Pauly D
• JWOWW
• The Situation
• Snooki
• Sammi
• Ronnie
• Vinny
• Deena

I kid. Kinda. I'm not above Jersey Shore. I've seen a few episodes and I watch my share of garbage TV, but lesbihonest (told you I've seen it), it's sad that young people look up to these Guido and Guidettes. Alas, the show can be entertaining and the cast is certainly not boring. In the end, Jersey Shore is a lot like junk food: it's okay in small portions, but lacks substance. Also, they're both greasy.

Rap Academy: T.I. Edition

Fact: Rappers are the poets of our generation. The names Mathers, Wayne, and West will someday be interchangeable with Frost, Keats, and Emerson. Sadly, like many poets of the past, some rappers won't truly be appreciated until after their death (probably gang-related) because their lyrics are too far ahead of their time. The layman just isn't willing to spend the time deciphering and analyzing these urban geniuses' rhymes to discover the beauty and insight within. Lucky for you, I am willing. Thanks to my liberal arts degree and my hoodrat upbringing, I possess both the skill and the desire to translate these modern classics into something that's a little easier for the common man to understand.


First up, T.I.'s transcendent What You Know. I'll give you snippets of the lyrics, followed by my translation:

Aye...
don’t you know I got
key by the three when I chirp shawty chirp back
Louis nap sack
where I holding all the work at
What you know about that?
What you know about that?
What you know about that?
I know all about that
Loaded 44s on the low where the cheese at
Fresh off the jet to the Jects where the G's at
What you know about that?
What you know about that?
What you know about that?
Hey I know all about that


T.I. begins his masterpiece by establishing his street credentials. He has three kilograms of cocaine because he is an expert at selling drugs. He then seamlessly transitions into his personal life; when he calls (chirps) a girl (shawty), they call him back, because he's T.I. and all ladies admire him. He then deftly reminds us of the large amount of cocaine in his possession and that, get this, he is carrying it in a designer Louis Vuitton bag. T.I. repeats three lines in this, the chorus, welcoming any and all haters to compare gangster resumes with him. The question is clearly rhetorical, as T.I. already knows that none of his opponents can compete with his hoodrat credentials. For emphasis, he then explains that he has a gun and knows how to use it and that furthermore, he can transition from a rich lifestyle (jet) to a poor lifestyle ('jects) like the one in which he was raised. It is quite clear at this point, that T.I. is a bad, bad man.


See me in ya city sitting pretty know I'm shining dawg
Riding with a couple Latin brawds and a china doll
And you know how we ball
Aye..
Riding in shiny cars
Aye..
Walk in designer malls
Aye..
Buy everything we saw
You know about me dogg
Don’t talk about me dogg
And if you doubt me dogg
You better out me dogg


Having already made his point, T.I. uses the second verse to show off his technical skills with a difficult A, A, A, Aye, B, Aye, C,  Dogg, Dogg, Dogg, Dogg rhyme scheme. In this verse, he explains once again that he is the best rapper in the industry and also that he is fond of latino and oriental women, who are no doubt fond of him as well. He drives the best cars and shops at the finest stores, where he buys whatever catches his eye. He continues the stellar second verse with another message for his rivals: DO NOT speak ill of T.I. because he will best you in a fisticuffs. DO NOT doubt it either. If you MUST try, it is quite imperative that you take him out of the equation, otherwise T.I. will add you to his list of fallen adversaries.


I'm throwed off slightly bro
Don’t wanna fight me bro
I'm fast as lightning bro ya better use ya Nike’s bro
Know you don’t like me cause
Yo bitch most likely does
She see me on them dubs
In front of every club
I be on dro I’m buzzed
Give every ho a hug
Niggaz don’t show me mugs
Cause you don’t know me cause


The verse continues by relating that even though T.I. may be slightly inebriated, he is still an unflappable foe. He uses the simile "fast as lightning" to depict that he is indeed an adept athlete and that running away is really the only sure way to keep your life intact. T.I. then gives us some background information on why his opposition dislikes him. It is because the hater's lover prefers T.I. over the hater. It hearkened back to the first time she saw him in his fancy car in front of a series of clubs. She was rather impressed with T.I.'s behavior, including his intoxication due to marijuana and his ability to attract other women. T.I. masterfully concludes the verse by restating that it is impossible to understand his inner-workings


Candy on the '64
Leather guts and fish bowl
50 on the pinky ring just to make my fist glow
Ya bitches get low
Because I get dough
So what? I'm rich ho
I still pull a kick-do'


After another resounding chorus, T.I. takes it upon himself to describe his beloved car, a 1964 Chevrolet with a fine leather interior. His car doubles as a place where he and his friends can enjoy marijuana. Oh, T.I.! He also mentions that he spent $50,000 on a pinky ring to signify that money is of no object to him. Women seem to particularly like this. Also, even though T.I. is extraordinarily wealthy, he is not afraid to perform dangerous, illegal acts.


What you talking sh*t fo’?
gotta run and hit fo’?
Got you a yelling and I thought you put out a gun hit fo
But you’s a scary dude
Believed by very few
Just keep it very cool
Or we will bury you
See all that attitude’s, unnecessary dude
You never carry tools not even square, he cube
You got these people fooled, who see you on the tube
Whatever try the crew, they’ll see you on the news


T.I. now calls into question the credibility of his naysayers. He states that though his enemy may think himself formidable, he is not feared by anyone, the least of which T.I. himself. T.I. goes on to suggest to his detractors that they should refrain from attacking his pristine reputation as a gangster and instead shine the light of scrutiny upon themselves. Failure to do so could very well end up in their demise.


Fresh off the jet to the block
Burn a rubber with the top popped
My partner bustin' shots, I tell em' stop, he'll make the block hot
Ya label got got
Cause you are not hot
I got the top spot
And it will not stop
A video or not that will bust it to the glock stop
Drag ya out that Bentley Coupe and take it to the chop shop


T.I. begins the last verse with the dichotomous scene of transferring from his private jet to his convertible and driving fast through the ghetto, once again displaying that T.I. has not lost touch with his roots. Ever the pragmatist, he then warns his friend not to commit any unnecessary crimes while in the projects, lest the police get involved. He then transitions to explaining to his rapping enemy that he feels contrition toward his enemy's record label because he is indeed such a poor rapper that the label failed to get the returned value, both monetary and critical, that they had hoped. Also, for good measure, T.I. deems it necessary to tell him that he will unload an entire gun clip into the rapper and strip his car for parts.


Partner, we got ya'll
If it may pop off
I’ll answer the question “Will I get ya block knocked off?”
And what it is bro
Look I will kill bro
I’m in your hood, if you a gangsta what you hid for?
Somebody better get bro for he get sent for
You say you wanna squash it what you still talking sh*t for?


The last 8 lines of T.I.'s masterpiece continue to focus on his haters. He delineates once again that he is superior in every way to his enemies, especially in a physical manner. In fact, T.I. feels he could take out this particular man's entire neighborhood single-handedly. Given this fact, T.I. ponders as to why this rapper would choose to continue to say derogatory things about him. The foe is obviously not as good at rapping, fighting, or being a gangster as is T.I.. The final line of What You Know poses the obvious question: given all the ways in which T.I. is superior to all of his detractors, why do they continue to communicate their feelings about T.I. in such a negative and hurtful way?

FoW Movie Trailer Rundown

By David Hammock and Stephan Rabbitt

Frankenweenie 

  

Rabbitt: A black and white movie with a dog in a starring role? Somebody is trying to play off some Oscar success. I have not seen much of Tim Burton's stuff. That will not be changing with this one, even though I'm sure it will be entertaining enough. I really don't even know why you would want to bring the dog back to life. I mean, they just dogs. Right, Clinton Portis?

Hammock: It's the age-old story. Boy loves dog. Dog dies. Boy learns about life and maybe a red fern grows or something. Well, it's close. Tim Burton forgoes the whole life lesson thing and opts for pet reanimation instead. Frankenweenie is in the style of other Burton films like The Nightmare Before Christmas and The Corpse Bride, but it's actually a remake of his ownlive-action movie of the same name. I like Tim Burton movies fine, some more than others, but I don't know if I'll being seeing this one. 1) I'm a cat person. And 2) One of my cats just died and I just don't know if I'll be emotionally ready for Frankenweenie... when it comes out seven months from now.

That's My Boy 

  

Hammock:"You puked on my wedding dress and then you (had sex) with it?!" How could a movie with this line possibly be bad? Probably very easily. It's a shame too. Look at the list of cast and crew and you'll see a bevy of talented actors and writers. Frustratingly, most of them have resumes full of movies and shows than run the gamut from genius to garbage. Take Adam Sandler: he can be funny and he actually has some legitimate acting chops, but he's in loads of terrible movies because he settles. The writers of That's My Boy are the same way. They're responsible for Role Models, Wet Hot American Summer, Children's Hospital, Happy Endings, Party Down. Yet they come out with a movie whose trailer (and therefore most likely the entire movie) is filled with fart and penis jokes. Come on guys, you're obviously gifted. You can do better than this. Heck, I can do better than this. You owe me and Blair Waldorf more than this. On a positive note, kudos to the director for somehow fitting Rex Ryan's entire body into frame. Zing!

Rabbitt: This looks like a post Weekend Update sketch on SNL, except for 2 hours. I'll second everything David said and hop on a different soap box. Who pays to watch Adam Sandler movies these days? I'm aware that the answer is "tons of people"... I'd just like to know who to be mad at. Let's consider these movies, their Rotten Tomatoes score, and their US box office gross. Jack & Jill: 3%, $74.2mil. Zookeeper: 14%, $80.4mil. Just Go With It: 19%, $103mil. Grown Ups: 10%, $162mil. (WHAT!) Hugo: 93%, $71.3mil. Now, everyone make sure you go vote for your preferred Presidential candi... actually, on second thought, just stay home.

Men in Black 3 

 

Hammock: This must be a dream come true for Will Smith because Men in Black pretty closely resembles his religion of Scientology. There are monsters, spaceships, people being brainwashed... it's like Dianetics coming to life before his eyes! Sorry. It's probably not nice to make fun of Will Smith... though he probably deserves it for as many times as he poked fun at Uncle Phil and Carlton. So, about the movie... I'm not hopeful. The first MiB was good, but the second one was sub-par. I'm guessing this one isn't gonna be any better than the latter.

Rabbitt: It's the good guys dressed in black, remember that? Yea, barely. It's been 10 long years since these galaxy defenders were last on screen. Will Smith has saved the planet many, many times. And while I appreciate his efforts in doing so, I'll likely pass on this particular rendition of Will Smith saving the world $150 million at a time.

Womb 

  

Hammock: Eww. This is wrong. Woody Allen and Roman Polanski think this is wrong. I get that someone would do anything to get their lover back and I can sorta kinda maybe see considering being the one to birth him if that was the only option, but Eva Green is obviously doing this with the intent to jump her lover/son's bones ASAP. Perhaps Vesper could consult the young man from Frankenweenie for other options? 

Rabbitt: I had planned on comparing Eva Green to Joaquin Phoenix, in that I hate him because he stabbed Maximus in the back before they fought in Gladiator and that influences my view of other characters he plays. Similarly, Eva Green played Vesper, the two-timing slut wagon, in Casino Royale. However, after watching this trailer, I don't even remember what she did in Casino Royale. What a creepster. 

The SWASP

If you follow the blog, you know that I dedicated the majority of February to Black History Month profiles. I figure that after a month of that, you're probably tired of it (racists) and ready for something different. Well, SWASPs are definitely that. What is a SWASP? Well, a SWASP is very much in the tradition of a WASP, which as most of you probably know stands for White Anglo-Saxon Protestant. Here's the urban dictionary definition:

"White Anglo-Saxon Protestant. This usually refers to affluent people in the new england area, but also whites of "old money" in other areas throughout the country."

So basically a WASP is your standard upper-crust, J.Crew-wearing, tennis-playing, horse-owning, Michael Bublé fan. A SWASP is that... and more. A SWASP is a Super WASP. These are the whitest of the white people. These are the frat guys who frat guys think are too fratty. These are the preppiest of the preppy. Get the picture? Here's a quick Foxworthesque rundown:

You might be a SWASP if:

• You own every season of Wings on Blu-Ray.
• You own a pure-bred Cocker Spaniel named Pendleton.
• Your go-to website for slang is suburbandictionary.com
• Your back-up college is still in the Ivy League.
• You have a Fantasy Lacrosse team.
• You use SPF 4000 suntan lotion.
• Your favorite color is soft coral.
• Your favorite rapper is will.i.am.
• You've never eaten a McAnything.
• Two words: pocket watch.
• Two more words: sweater vest.
• You own stock in Pinterest.
• You visit your vacation home to get away from your vacation home.
• You know how to play squash.
• You've been on The Bachelor.
• Your favorite NBA player is J.J. Redick.
• Your children have last names for first names.
• You are able to tell which Olsen twin is on screen in every scene of every episode of Full House... which you also own every season of on Blu-Ray.

Full-time SWASPs are hard to find. In fact, the term is more for actions that for people. I like to tweet back and forth with a friend of mine whenever I feel like I'm doing something SWASPy and put the hashtag SWASP at the end. That's probably kinda #SWASP in and of itself. So what's the purpose of all this SWASP talk? I guess there's not really one. It's just that I didn't have to work today and I felt like blogging <--- #SWASP

Black History Month 2012

If ever you wanna read the entire collection, here it is! It's also over to the right on the sidebar under Pages along with the 2011 BHM, the Hipster Santa collection, and a few other goodies. Enjoy!