Tuesday, March 6, 2012

The SWASP

If you follow the blog, you know that I dedicated the majority of February to Black History Month profiles. I figure that after a month of that, you're probably tired of it (racists) and ready for something different. Well, SWASPs are definitely that. What is a SWASP? Well, a SWASP is very much in the tradition of a WASP, which as most of you probably know stands for White Anglo-Saxon Protestant. Here's the urban dictionary definition:

"White Anglo-Saxon Protestant. This usually refers to affluent people in the new england area, but also whites of "old money" in other areas throughout the country."

So basically a WASP is your standard upper-crust, J.Crew-wearing, tennis-playing, horse-owning, Michael BublĂ© fan. A SWASP is that... and more. A SWASP is a Super WASP. These are the whitest of the white people. These are the frat guys who frat guys think are too fratty. These are the preppiest of the preppy. Get the picture? Here's a quick Foxworthesque rundown:

You might be a SWASP if:
  • You own every season of Wings on Blu-Ray.
  • You own a pure-bred Cocker Spaniel named Pendleton.
  • Your go-to website for slang is suburbandictionary.com
  • Your back-up college is still in the Ivy League.
  • You have a Fantasy Lacrosse team.
  • You use SPF 4000 suntan lotion.
  • Your favorite color is soft coral.
  • Your favorite rapper is will.i.am.
  • You've never eaten a McAnything.
  • Two words: pocket watch.
  • Two more words: sweater vest.
  • You own stock in Pinterest.
  • You visit your vacation home to get away from your vacation home.
  • You know how to play squash.
  • You've been on The Bachelor.
  • Your favorite NBA player is J.J. Redick.
  • Your children have last names for first names.
  • You are able to tell which Olsen twin is on screen in every scene of every episode of Full House... which you also own every season of on Blu-Ray.

Full-time SWASPs are hard to find. In fact, the term is more for actions that for people. I like to tweet back and forth with a friend of mine whenever I feel like I'm doing something SWASPy and put the hashtag SWASP at the end. That's probably kinda #SWASP in and of itself. So what's the purpose of all this SWASP talk? I guess there's not really one. It's just that I didn't have to work today and I felt like blogging <--- #SWASP