Friday, March 16, 2012

FoW MTR

3/16/12 Edition of Fistful of Words' Movie Trailer Rundown
By David Hammock and Stephan Rabbitt

Battlefield America

 

Hammock: I spent my entire childhood playing with GI Joes, not knowing that there existed a fabulous world of competitive children's street dancing. Well, at least I know now... and knowing is half the battle... but "this isn't a battle, this is war."

Rabbitt: I would just really like to see Marquez Houston in more movies. #sh*tnobodysaysexceptmarquezhouston. 

TS: Guys, I know that my job with these FoW MTR posts is to find trailers and get out of the way. But I can't do that today. I just can't. You've both given short shrift to a trailer that is so ambitiously awful that I can't sit idly by without sharing my thoughts on this awesomeness brought to us by the people who brought us You Got Served.

0:09- City skyline with raucous stadium cheering. Battlefield = a competition. Got it. But what kind?
0:10- 0:14- "This is the biggest battlefield in American history." Why are there tents indoors with crowds of cheering people?
0:15- ZOMG! Dancing! The battlefield is a dancing competition! Nothing generates more excitement than the line "From the team that brought you You Got Served!" It's like four March Madness buzzer beaters!
0:17- Why do the dancers look like their twelve? What's going on here? Is Battlefield Americaabout the long struggle of youngsters who only want to be on America's Best Dance Crew?  
0:35- Dance battles always lead to real battles. Always. This is a cautionary tale.
0:37-0:44- When I said the dancers were twelve, I way overestimated. If anyone in this crew has to look after their little brother, they'd have to carry around a diaper bag. So young. So real. So much dancing.
0:45- 0:48- Black vs. White. Even Obama's election can't solve the entrenched beliefs of these six year olds. 
0:50- More child violence. I want to turn away but can't.
1:02 - 1:05- Marques Houston and the evil white guy from Orange County from You Got Served! Are these their kids? Please let them be their children.
1:05 - 1:49 A lot of dancing and some dialogue. I can't pay attention. I'm distracted that the evil white guy from Orange County hasn't changed his ways now that he's a parent. I'm feeling nostalgic. Did Omarion marry Marques Houston sister? Did they live happily-ever-high school? What about college? Did O hit a growth spurt or does he still have to wear lifts to be taller than his girl?
1:50- Looking past how amazing this movie will be, I'm glad that the Hollywood producers placed eight year olds dancing against each other in proper context by calling it a war. You know, especially after everyone on the planet has watched the Kony 2012 video.
  
I could go on and break down the inevitable Mindless Behavior or Diggy cameos, but I won't. (Knowing about Mindless Behavior and Diggy is definitely something I should throw up on my future Match.com profile). In any event, I look forward to waiting in line to see this movie... at the dollar theater... four weeks after it opens. Can't wait! Now back to you guys. 

What to Expect When You're Expecting

 

Rabbitt: Soundtrack alert: Sleeper Agent's "Get it Daddy" opens up the trailer (see what they did there). Most of this movie was filmed in and around Atlanta, home of the Braves. Much of the trailer footage shows off Piedmont Park. I've seen Sleeper Agent in concert 3 times. I've seen Piedmont Park many times. I will see this movie 0 times.

Hammock: I'd watch this movie just to see Atlanta (my hometown) in the background... kinda like how I like watching The Walking Dead because it's filmed near my old house... and because it's awesome. This is a grab bag cast with some funny people (Jim Dangle and Rob Huebel rocking some Georgia Tech swag!) and ), some people who others think are funny and I don't (Chris Rock, babies) and for some inexplicable reason, Brooklyn Decker. Actually, there are two big reasons Brooklyn Decker is in this or any movie... I think every guy knows what they are... talent and charisma. I'm not as opposed to seeing this one as you Stephan, but I'd much rather see Sleeper Agent in concert... almost as much as Brooklyn Decker would like to see her husband in a Grand Slam final.

Delicacy
 

Hammock: I told you every French movie starred Audrey Tautou! Now, I don't speak French, but it seems like the point of this movie is that Tautou falls in love with a dude who's Frenchin' ugly. This is a somewhat unexplored theme in American cinema (except in Adam Sandler movies) so leave it to the French to teach us Americans a thing or two about inner beauty. I tell ya, France is really on a roll in Hollywood right now. The Artist, Hugo, Midnight in Paris, Napoleon Dynamite, now this... they're le taking ovre.

Rabbitt: You know what is an unexplored theme in French cinema? Diversity. This looks like a nice story with beautiful scenery. Although, it won't beat Piedmont Park with the Atlanta backdrop. Like David, I also do not speak French. However, I can see that our vaguely familiar (but probably not) male lead is big and goofy, runs into glass doors, knocks over wine bottles, and still gets the girl. He must be great at mental math or something. 

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