Music Video Monday: Fun., Snoop Dogg & Wiz Khalifa

The week's installment of Music Video Monday features a song that's very high on the charts and another that's just very high:

Fun. - We Are Young

While it's unclear exactly what sent the nightclub into a frenzy in this video (my money is on the lead singer's poor choice in shoes), one thing is very apparent: slow motion is cool. Slow motion can make even the most boring video (see: Fun. - We Are Young) bearable. I guess when dealing with such a ubiquitous (SAT word alert!) song, a bearable video is all you need. We Are Young is one of those tunes you feel like you've heard before, even during the first listen. It's like the chorus was ingrained into your brain way back when and Fun. just happened to be able to market it. Sidebar: the name of the band is Fun.. That's F-U-N-Period. The period is part of the name. This is extremely annoying when trying to deal with grammar and punctuation. Not very Fun. at all. Anyway, what we have here is an okay video for a pretty decent song. That makes two respectable songs in a row to reach #1 on the charts. Enjoy them while you can before Top 40 radio runs them so far into the ground you'll need a shovel to dig them up hit the radio DJs with.

Snoop Dogg & Wiz Khalifa - Young, Wild, and Free

Suck it Fun.... Snoop and Wiz see your young and raise you wild and free! But please, somebody get these two a sandwich or something. For guys who love weed, they sure don't look like they ever get the munchies. I guess they're too busy to eat. I mean, coming up with genius ideas like naming the high school in the video "N. Hale High" doesn't leave much time for lunch. These two don't care about lunch though, they're living young, wild, and free... well, sorta. Snoop Dogg is 40 years old, so he mostly lives just wild and free and Wiz Khalifa just got busted for drug possession, so he's just living young and wild these days. Still, it's a pretty good video if you really, really, really, really, really like watching other people smoke pot.

FoW MTR: April 27

By David Hammock and Thomas Hokum


Cosmopolis

 

Hammock: Press pause at the one second mark. Could it be? Are those tiny leaves? R-Patz is in a movie that boasts the vaunted Cannes logo! Sure, Cosmopolis is merely a selection (think participation ribbon at a science fair), but this is a big step forward for Mr. Cullen, who has yet to appear in a well-received film in which he was not portraying a Hufflepuff. Sadly, I'm not sure this is the movie that will break that trend... I can't imagine the Cannes jury being très impressed with Jay Baruchel. And what's with the bragging about being the "first film about our new millenium"? What about Wall-E? Nevertheless, I'm rooting for Robert Pattinson to finally earn some long-awaited acting cred. After all, I did name my favorite office appliance after him.

Hokum: When that kid from Twilight is the first thing I see, I want to turn it off. But then I see the mercenary dude from Lost (Oh Keamy, you loved to shoot people) and figure things might be okay. So if I had to guess at the plot I would assume Mr. Vampire (who I’m assuming is still a vampire in this movie because he is never in the sunlight or eating garlic, but still seducing annoying women) rides around in his limo from the future, tricking women to get in with the shiny blue lights and display screens that make me think of the Starship Enterprise. Meanwhile, he avoids attacks from the rat-worshipping citizens of the future “cosmopolis,” which has to be the dumbest word I’ve ever heard. Almost as dumb as worshiping rats. Did I mention the rats? They seem to be important, but mostly I think everyone is Cosmopolis is on drugs. Or they are possessed by the dark rodent god Cheez Wiz? At the 50 second mark, a screen appears informing me that the movie is based on a book, which I guess is supposed to reassure me that somebody actually liked it enough to put words to it, but then I notice it’s by Don DeLillo and therefore probably didn’t make the NYT Bestseller List. All seems lost until 1:46 when we see Robert Pattinson appear to take a gun and blow a hole in his hand, which yeah, maybe I’d pay to see... so long as they’re silver bullets.

Lawless

 

Hammock: I've been familiar with this movie for a while now because a good chunk of it was filmed in Newnan, GA, where I lived at the time. I believe it was called The Wettest County in the World back then and it was hard to ignore because everyone was always running into Shia LaBeouf around town. I didn't care too much, as Shia obviously peaked on Even Stevens, but had I known that running into Jessica Chastain was a possibility, I may have ventured out more... as if there's actually anything to do in Newnan. Lawless boasts an impressive cast, but I'm not all that intrigued by its premise. Prohibition is so 90 years ago. Get with the program like Cosmopolis and make a movie about our new millenium... you know, without the giant rats.

Hokum: Being a huge fan of gangster movies, there’s only so much mud I can sling on this one. I will say that for the first 30 seconds I was waiting for Shia’s circa-1940’s Ford to turn into a giant robot and start squashing policemen. Actually, thinking about how much I enjoyed Cowboys Vs. Aliens, it might not have been a bad idea. As Hammock said, the cast is impressive and any time a Tommy Gun is fired on screen you can pretty much count on my $7 $10 $12.

Hotel Transylvania

 

Hammock: Animated films always cast a plethora of stars to do the voices, but one name stood out to me when looking at the lineup for Hotel Transylvania: Genndy Tartakovsky. "Who's that?" you might ask. Why, Genndy Tartakovsky is the creator/director/writer of childhood favorites Dexter's Laboratory, The Powerpuff Girls, and Samurai Jack, and is directing this movie. Now I don't know how well his talents will transfer to the big screen, but with a cartoon resume like that, I'm willing to give Hotel Transylvania a chance... even if it does have Adam Sandler in it.

Hokum: Well, Hammock threatens to throw us off topic as I now have to gush le emotional about the awesomeness of Dexter's Laboratory while pondering why Tartakovsky (whose name I wasn't aware of, but must be awesome) has not made more cartoons for me to eye-devour. As far as the trailer, I really like the art direction - it almost looks cell shaded - especially at the beginning where they play with light sources. I'm not going to lie, I was a a big fan of Scooby Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf (the old cartoon movie about Scooby and Shaggy racing in Dracula's "Monster Road Rally") growing up and seeing all the old Hollywood monsters brings back some nostalgia. However, as soon as Dracula opens his mouth and the Waterboy's voice comes out, the whole thing is ruined. I look forward to falling asleep while I watch it on DVD Netflix.

Ruby Sparks

 

Hammock: I can't decide whether Ruby Sparks sounds more like the name of a porn star or an energy drink. Either way, I like the premise. It has a little bit of the Stranger Than Fiction thing going on where author meets character in real life, but this one takes the idea a step further as the author, Paul Dano, invents and encounters the girl of his dreams. I like Paul Dano. I think it's because he's a certifiably unattractive fellow who's managed to do well in a certifiably shallow town like Hollywood. Speaking of shallow, Ruby begs the question: if you could pen your dream girl/guy into existence, what sorts of things would you be jotting down? I know I speak for Stephan (who's MIA this week) when I say two of the first words that come to my mind are mental and math. Also, Bar and Refaeli.

Hokum: I second Hammock on both liking the premise and getting Stranger Than Fiction deja vu. However, where Fiction was a self-propelled Will Ferrell comedy, I get the feeling that Ruby Sparks might try to get its feet wet in the deep end of the drama pool. Honestly, the premise seems so obvious - writer falls in love with his creation - that I'm surprised I haven't seen some iteration of it before. I had no idea this movie was even in the works, but now I'm definitely planning on seeing it. Plus, it's got the geeky kid from The Girl Next Door. Oh, and Hammock, I assume the title refers to what happens when these lovely two gingers get down. ~Hokum out.

Strengths and Weaknesses: Madonna

It's been 33 years since Madonna first arrived on the scene, but she's still making headlines. She's got a new album (MDNA), a new perfume, a world tour, a public divorce, and even a controversial photo up for sale. Let's take a look at what makes the Material Girl so fixating in this installment of Strengths and Weaknesses.

Madonna

STRENGTHS

• Her music makes the people come together... yeah
• Seamlessly switches between American and British accents
• Won a Golden Globe for Evita, which is almost a cool as winning a real award
• Looks pretty good to be 400 years old
• Member of every religion
• Good at divorce
• Actually looked classy at Super Bowl halftime show surrounded by Nicki Minaj, M.I.A., and LMFAO
• Voted "Greatest Woman in Rock History" by, oh by VH1. Nevermind

WEAKNESSES

• Not at all like a virgin
• Materialistic
• Uses dance floor as a confessional, which is not approved by the Catholic church
• Couldn't even beat out the Beatles on Billboard's "Greatest Artists of All-Time" list
• Omitted like half the letters on her newest album
• Cone boobs are by far the most dangerous kind of boobs
• Always telling Argentinians not to cry for her, but doesn't have $#!% to say to the fine people of Uruguay
• Has kissed Britney Spears and thus, by proxy, has kissed Kevin Federline

Music Video Monday: Gotye, Carly Rae Jepsen

Welcome to a new segment here on TKAA called Music Video Monday. The premise is simple: every Monday I'll post a couple of popular music videos and discuss them with all the seriousness and integrity you've come to expect in a TKAA post. I'm thinking I'll do the #1 video on the Billboard Hot 100 and another one of my choosing each week, but we'll see how it goes. First up, this week's number one song on the charts:

Gotye - Somebody That I Used To Know



This song is everywhere right now. I have six pre-sets on my car radio and it's almost always on at least one of them... even the 90s station. Maybe it's like a slot machine and one fateful day when Gotye is on all six at once, quarters will start spewing out of my cd player or something. Anyway, I liked the song at first, but it's wearing out its welcome as of late. Alas, the video breathes new life into the song as I am a sucker for male nudity. (Just kidding.) The video opens with the camera panning upward, dangerously close to Gotye's... little Gotye. It's a close call, but still nowhere near D'Angelo's Untitled video territory. It's a cool little video, despite Gotye's freakishly big mouth. The whole blending in with the wall thing is always fun and I like how the design reminds me of Grizzly Bear's Veckatimest cover and how the girl bears a slight resemblance to TKAA favorite, Katy Perry.


Carly Rae Jepsen - Call Me Maybe



I'm always supportive of artists who are paler than me and Carly Rae Jepsen is certainly that. Maybe pale is making a comeback. On average, there seems to be one sugary pop song a month that inexplicably strikes my fancy and Call Me Maybe is this month's offering. It just sounds like happy. The video proves what I've long suspected: chicks dig lawnmowers. Why save up for a Corvette when you can garner better results with a Snapper? Of course, the dude's wise choice to go lawnmower is instantly negated when he takes off his shirt, revealing a truly awful chest tattoo. "The sky is the limit" huh? I can only assume he lost a bet. Anyway, if you like videos with surprise endings, this one is fabulous. Take special note of the superb acting in the video's final seconds.

FoW MTR: April 20

By David Hammock, Stephan Rabbitt, and Laurie Skelton

Looper

 

Hammock: I've liked Joseph Gordon-Levitt ever since he arm-flapped his way into our nation's hearts as Roger from Angels in the Outfield. With roles in 10 Things I Hate About You, 500 Days of Summer, and 50/50, JGL has shown that not only does he like acting in movies with numbers in them, but that he usually makes pretty good flicks. Therefore, it's rare that I have anything negative to say about JGL, but I just can't overlook how weird he looks in this trailer. As T.S. pointed out when he sent us this video, he looks almost plastic. I'm hoping this Mattel look is the make-up artist's attempt to make him look more like Bruce Willis and not something serious like plastic surgery gone wrong or, more likely, an overactive handsome gland. Back to the movie... Looper seems to have a fairly interesting concept, but I'm not dying to see it. I guess you could say I could take it or Joseph Gordon-Leave It.

Rabbitt: Interesting concept is right. Loopers kill people from the future in the past, leaving no evidence of the killing taking place in the future. Loopers execute masked and bound targets from short range. So why does future JGL come back to visit past JGL with no mask and strapped like he just got out of Charlize Theron's Mini? Did they send future JGL to kill past JGL? Rude. I thought Paul Dano and Emily Blunt would be bringing the sunshine, per usual, but Emily got in on the shotgun action too. A slight change up from Salmon Fishing in the Yemen... I hope, for the salmon's sake.

The Lucky One

 

Rabbitt: Ugh. Really. This looks terrible and unfortunately, it is probably going to unseat The Hunger Games and win this weekend's box office because nothing else worthwhile is coming out. For having never seen Zac Efron act before, I really seem to not like him one bit. That is probably unfair. If someone were to just read me the story without seeing the trailer, I don't think I would write it off so quickly. But, something about this trailer really bothers me. And his name is Zac Efron.

Hammock: I actually find Zac Efron oddly charming. Is it the boyish grin or the way he nonchalantly leaves the "k" off the end of his first name or because he had a brief cameo in one of the greatest shows ever made (Firefly)? I don't know. Maybe it's because he's always pictured with Vanessa Hudgens and he benefits from all the positive feelings she generates inside me. Doesn't matter. What does matter is that you're right, Stephan... this movie is going to suck big time. The people who can make it through life without seeing this sap fest are the lucky ones.

Magic Mike

 

Hammock: Maybe I shouldn't have issued that apology to Channing last week after all. Magic Mike is supposedly a romantic comedy that faintly resembles Channing Tatum's real life foray into the world of p̶o̶o̶r̶ ̶a̶c̶t̶i̶n̶g̶  male stripping. While I'm totally dying to know all about Channing's personal life, I can't help but think that this is the last movie I would ever want to see (except for maybe Drive Angry 2: Drive Angrier). It's not that I expect it to be horrible (Soderbergh's directing after all), it's just that I can't think of one thing that this film could possibly offer me. I mean, besides body image issues. Even if it's well-acted, well-directed and well-(stripped?), how am I going to enjoy this movie? Just because my last name is Hammock doesn't mean I delight in viewing banana hammocks on the big screen. And if you're thinking that I'm just not secure enough in my own masculinity to go see a movie like this, keep in mind, I own a unicorn pillow pet. Alas, I guess some movies just aren't for me... I'm sure Magic Mike will make plenty of money without my ten bucks.

Note: Good news, Mr. Tatum. Magic Mike could turn be out to be abysmal and still outshine the rest of the stripper movie genre. Striptease and Showgirls both received the not-so-coveted Razzie Award for worst picture... no amount of Mike's magic can make them disappear

Rabbitt: It would be hard to pick a Razzie Worst Picture frontrunner for 2012 at this point. You already have Lockout and soon-to-be released Battleship surely in the running,and we’ll have another installment of both GI Joe and Razzie favorite Twilight before year-end. It’s likely shaping up to be quite the list at the Razzie Worst Picture Showcase, where they pay you $10 to sit through the year’s 10 worst movies. That $10 can replace the $10 you threw away making it rain in the theater on Magic Mike opening night. The WPS doesn’t actually exist, by the way; you know, it’s like 5 divided by 0. Are there Razzie awards for math jokes?

Anyway, Magic Mike: a romantic comedy centered around a pair of male-strippers. Talk about an untapped market. I’m with David in that this movie probably isn’t going to be as bad as I would like it to be. I’ll just have to rely on movie critic reviews to form my opinion as there is a 100% chance that I’ll never see for myself. I am, however, somewhat interested to see how it performs at the box office. I have to figure that a rom com with some topless McConaughey action will bring in more than a few ladies. Then, you throw in Tatum, Alex Pettyfer (I am Number Four) and Matt Bomer (White Collar). Now I’m beginning to see why I didn’t get this casting call... because I’m studying for the CPA exam, obviously.

Editor's Note: Beacsue Magic Mike is a romantic comedy about male strippers involving Mr.'s Tatum and McConaughey we would be remiss if we didn't ask the opinion of an FoW certified female. So, we asked our resident cartoonist and Ireland aficionado Laurie Skelton to weigh in. Laurie... bring us home.

Laurie: A Certified Female Response to Magic Mike, eh? Well, first off, I have to weigh in with Stephan on the fact that Magic Mike's major failing looks to be that it's not going to be bad enough to merit a ten-dollar trip to the Friday night cinema. And this, friends, is truly a travesty. There is nothing more depressing than a terrible concept for a movie heavily reliant on sexy body shots and wet t-shirts that takes itself waaay too seriously (Transformers IIanyone?).  

Oh, and he "makes" furniture by throwing pre-cut slabs of glass on what looks to be... um... an air conditioning vent? Mikey, honey, any self-respecting DIY blogger could do that with twenty dollars and a few trips to the local Home Depot/thrift store. I mean, I'm not saying you're not talented, I'm just saying that at least in Flashdance the chick got to use a blow torch. 

Again, this movie is on the line--not bad enough to be good and certainly not good enough to be good. If there was the slightest hint of "oh wow aren't we ridiculous" self-deprecation in this movie trailer, I really think we'd have a winner (loser?) on our hands.  Sadly... eh. I remain unmoved. What can I say?  Cowboys aren't my thing. (Maybe that's why I'm moving to Ireland...?)

Although, now that I think about it, if they let me pay the ticket booth cashier by "makin' it rain." I'll be much more likely to attend. They should really turn that into a promotional event.

Nice RAK

Small kindnesses are undervalued. It's been my experience that little things can mean an awful lot. Even the tiniest of compliments have been known to drastically improve a person's day. That's why this weekend I'll be holding the 2nd Annual Random Acts of Kindness Awards. I'll be on the lookout for people who display random acts of kindness (RAK) and present them with a well-deserved prize for their good deed.

Though I consider last year's RAK Awards a success, I would like to take this opportunity to ask readers' opinions of how to make this year's event better. I must admit, I was a little surprised at some of the negative reactions of some of last year's female recipients. While most male winners seemed excited to get their awards, a few of the girls didn't seem to appreciate the honor and I'm not sure why. Here are some brief descriptions of a few such instances... maybe they'll shed some light on what went wrong:

April 20:

I spot a young lady going out of her way to open the door for an elderly man at Starbucks. Good deed. I rush across the street to give her a prize. I say, "Excuse me, miss... I noticed your RAK from across the street and just wanted you to know that it's appreciated." She slapped my face and stormed off, leaving me with a venti amount of judging stares from the Starbucks crowd.

April 21:

In the park, I notice a woman interrupt her jog to collect some garbage that was strewn across the ground and put it in a nearby trashcan. "Nice RAK," I yell out from the bench where I was sitting. "I'd really like to reward it," I add. She gives me the middle finger and runs away at Usain Bolt-like pace. Unkind, mon.

April 22:

Two elderly ladies with whom I work compliment my new shirt. "Why you thank you, ladies," I say. "Please accept these awards for your kindness. It's a small token of appreciation for the lovely RAKs you two display around here every day," I gush. The ladies both scold me. One of them retires.

I don't know where I went wrong.

Obviously this is a ridiculous (and extremely juvenile) post. There are no RAK Awards and I don't go around spouting double entendres at the fairer sex. However, the gift of kindness is an easy one to spread, so why not go out of your way to do something nice for someone else every once in a while? It's like the great philosophers Bill and Ted say... "Be excellent to each other."

FoW MTR: April 13

By David Hammock and Stephan Rabbitt

Lola Versus

  


Hammock: With The Cults and Young the Giant playing in the background and a title borrowed from a Kinks album, it looks like Lola Versus will at least boast a solid soundtrack. The movie itself... eh, I dunno. I do like Greta Gerwig and I guess it could be one of those touching coming-to-terms-with-being-

single-and-turning-30 kind of movies, but I feel a little burnt out on coming-to-terms-with-being-single-and-turning-30 movies. I'll be willing to give it a shot, but since I'm a man, I'll also be on the lookout for something better. 

Rabbitt: I frequently comment to my office roomie that I should be able to look out the window of my office building and, at any given moment, see a lady stumbling in her heels. It just seems like they are teetering on the edge of disaster with every step. It's not like all pedestrian traffic takes place on flat surfaces. You have sidewalks in need of repair, subway grates, manhole covers, decorative tile patterns, "Zach + Kelly 4ever" engravings, etc. I don't see how there aren't more embarrassing tumbles like Ms. Gerwig experienced at the end of this trailer happening all over the place. Oh, the movie looks okay, too.

Ted 

  

Rabbitt: The voice sounds just a little too much like Peter Griffin for me to not think of Peter Griffin when the bear talks. If given the option to either watch the movie or be on set when they filmed the Walberg v. Bear fight scene, I'd choose the fight scene 100% of the time. That had to be hilarious to watch. The actual movie? Maybe not so much.

Hammock: Ted. Like short for Teddy Bear. I get it! It only gets better from there as evidenced by the scene where the cute little bear humps the checkout scanner. Ugh. I'm sure this movie will be moderately funny, but I feel like I've seen the whole cute, fuzzy, foul-mouthed shtick before. Ted's voice does sound a little too much like Peter Griffin's, Stephan, and since I'm not the world's biggest Family Guy fan, that's not the best thing. Like Family Guy, Ted will probably be full of hits and misses, at least in my eyes, leaving me wanting a movie from the creators of superior comedic cartoons like Futurama or the eternally underrated Home Movies.

Katy Perry Part of Me in 3D
 

Hammock: It's no secret which "part of her" has made Katy Perry famous. I was also gonna make a joke about the movie being shot in 3DD, but I was beaten to the punch by the geniuses behind the Piranha sequel. Anyway, at the risk of losing all my indie cred, I kinda like Katy Perry... and it's not entirely in an ironic/hipster way. "Teenage Dream" was one of my favorite songs of 2010 and while she has some stinkers, Katy makes more than one appearance on my iPod. That's a little embarrassing to admit, but at least I didn't divulge that I know that her cat is named Kitty Purry and  that her real name is Katy Hudson, but she changed it so as not to be confused with Kate Hudson the actress. Okay, so I like Katy Perry... I'm still never gonna see this movie.

Rabbitt: David, there is no shame in admitting to some KP on the iPod. Girl sings some catchy tunes. This movie was originally intended to be in 2-D until the divorce. Now, it's a giant three dimensional slap in the face to what Russell Brand is missing. Don't feel too bad for yourself though, Russell. There's another man having a worse week than you. He had his own teenage dream when he kissed a girl and he liked it. That's right. I'm looking at you,Bobby Petrino. Did you think you knew a place where the grass was really greener? Well, you DO have to feel like a waste of space, cuz baby you're uh... fired. That's what you get for waking up in Vegas a ditch with a girl half your age that isn't your wife. 

Savages
 

Rabbitt: One last chance for Taylor Kitsch to salvage 2012. I'm pulling for him, but I'm not hopeful. Savages comes out the same week as the Spiderman reboot and Dark Knight Risesfollows two weeks later. There aren't many soft spots in the 2012 movie lineup for something like this to grab much of a foothold. It doesn't look like a movie I would see in theaters to begin with even just to support Kitsch and Demian Bichir, fresh of his Oscar nomination for A Better Life, but always Esteban Reyes to me. At least it looks better than Battleship. 

Hammock: Wait. Are Tim Riggins and Kick-Ass cool with sharing Serena van der Woodsen? Looks that way. I bet Blair is totally having a jealousy-induced BF right about now. This trailer made my head hurt. Lots of flashing images and loud noises and movie stars. Doesn't Oliver Stone know I have a headache? Savage! I'm not too interested in this one as I am not very much into drugs or murder... at least not at the moment.

I'd like to take a moment now to apologize to MTR punching bag, Channing Tatum. I saw 21 Jump Street and you were actually pretty funny in it, Channing. There's your niche... teen comedy. I'll understand if you don't forgive me after all the mean things I've said about you in our weekly rundowns, because honestly, I'll probably never forgive you for Dear John.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter from TKAA
John 11: 25-26

Also from egg version of my cat, Starvin'

FoW MTR: April 6

by David Hammock and Stephan Rabbitt

The Giant Mechanical Man




Hammock: I'll go ahead and ask the question on everyone's mind (no, not "Where's Jim?"): How did the bespectacled fellow from Mad Men pull Malin Akerman? Is he funny or something? Anyway, this movie looks fairly promising, what with the little Sundance leaves in the title card and all. It should be fun to see Pam Beasley step out from behind the receptionist desk and take on a semi-serious role... even if it is opposite a giant man-robot. While these quirky little indie romantic comedies almost always pique my interest, I sometimes find them on the trite side, but we'll give this one the benefit of the doubt. Here's to hoping for Garden State, but expecting Lars and the Real Girl.


Rabbitt: I think we all know the answer to how he pulled Malin Akerman... his superior abilities in the area of mental math. They strike again! I'm sure you have experienced this in your life as well. Generally, I like this type of movie. At worst, I'm looking at a movie that is just okay with little chance to bomb with me. The real question though: Is the Tin Man only after Pam's heart because the Wizard turned him away?


Step Up Revolution

 


Rabbitt: One small step up for man, one giant leap down for movie goers. The best part about watching this trailer on YouTube is that it recommends Justin Bieber's new single "Boyfriend" at the end. I guess they are shooting for the 99% here with their protest dancing while the big bad businessman uses money that he earned while working a job to buy up all the cool stuff. 
The nerve. The only place Step Up Revolution is going to occupy is the dollar theater about a week after release.


Hammock: If I'm watching this movie, I'm rooting for Sandy Cohen from the O.C. (Don't call it that.) Seriously, I hope all those dancers go to jail for causing that traffic jam. Pop, lock, don't drop the soap. And if you're gonna dance to protest Miami millionaires, at least pick ones worth the funk assembly... the Miami Marlins. Worst uniforms ever? You're right Stephan, the businessman probably worked his tail off, doing hours upon hours of mental math to get where he's at in life, only to be made the villain by a bunch of tools doing the running man. What is it about South Beach that makes so many losers want to take their talents there?


Rock of Ages

 


Hammock: Country music is the worst musical genre, but 80s hair metal isn't far behind. This movie revolves around the music of Bon Jovi, Journey, Poison, and a handful of other bands I won't let within a mile of my iPod, so I just don't see myself enjoying this one. As is the case with Step Up 4, if I am forced into seeing this movie, I'll be rooting for the rich, uptight businessperson (this time it's Catherine Zeta-Jones) to prevail over the obnoxious, raucous youth. I'm a big fan of Malin, but not of metal, musicals, or miscreants... all the Akermans in the world won't change that. Even if Twisted Sister themselves offer me a free ticket, I'm not gonna take it.


Rabbitt: It seems the editor is sorting this week's trailers by Ackerman. Keep it up, T.S. Apparently, Anne Hathaway and Amy Adams were initially offered the role but were previously engaged with Dark Knight Rises and Man of Steel, respectively. Rock of Ages didn't really have a prayer with us. I also don't care for 80's rock. I'm actually a huge fan of a bar in Atlanta where the bartenders have a button to skip songs played on the jukebox and skip Journey every time someone plays it. Anyway you want it... psych!


To Rome with Love

 


Rabbitt: As much as I loved Midnight in Paris, it's no surprise that I'm very excited about Woody Allen's next release. The trailer has the same ambiance as MiP; I feel like they moved to Rome, changed the cadence of the accordion and called it a day. Last time I saw Ellen Page was Inception, where she was excellent, but it's great to see her back in the type of movie that showcases her acting talent a bit more. I still haven't seen Social Network, so this will serve as my gentle, Jessie Eisenbergish reminder that it's 2012.


Hammock: Gotta love Ellen Page. Or do I? As much as I liked her as Juno and Babe Ruthless, her character in this one seems like a giant ho-bag. Ms. Page serves as a microcosm of my feelings toward Woody Allen movies: I want to like them, but sometimes I just can't. Like Stephan, I liked Mid**ght in Paris, mostly because it was lighthearted and endearing, but many Woody Allen movies are so morally flawed that I can't get behind them. I realize, of course, that 99% of people in Hollywood don't share my ideals, but for some reason Woody Allen strikes me as particularly morally bankrupt. Maybe it's the whole married-to-his-daughter thing. Anyway, I'm a fan of Game of Thrones, which is completely devoid of any morality, so I'm kind of a hypocrite. Still, that's a heck of a lot better than that whole married-to-your-daughter thing.


David Hammock and Stephan Rabbitt are both excellent at mental math... ladies. For demonstrations of their skills you should send them flash cards or follow them on Twitter@david_hammock and @itsrabbitt.