Friday, April 20, 2012

FoW MTR: April 20

By David Hammock, Stephan Rabbitt, and Laurie Skelton

Looper

 

Hammock: I've liked Joseph Gordon-Levitt ever since he arm-flapped his way into our nation's hearts as Roger from Angels in the Outfield. With roles in 10 Things I Hate About You, 500 Days of Summer, and 50/50, JGL has shown that not only does he like acting in movies with numbers in them, but that he usually makes pretty good flicks. Therefore, it's rare that I have anything negative to say about JGL, but I just can't overlook how weird he looks in this trailer. As T.S. pointed out when he sent us this video, he looks almost plastic. I'm hoping this Mattel look is the make-up artist's attempt to make him look more like Bruce Willis and not something serious like plastic surgery gone wrong or, more likely, an overactive handsome gland. Back to the movie... Looper seems to have a fairly interesting concept, but I'm not dying to see it. I guess you could say I could take it or Joseph Gordon-Leave It.

Rabbitt: Interesting concept is right. Loopers kill people from the future in the past, leaving no evidence of the killing taking place in the future. Loopers execute masked and bound targets from short range. So why does future JGL come back to visit past JGL with no mask and strapped like he just got out of Charlize Theron's Mini? Did they send future JGL to kill past JGL? Rude. I thought Paul Dano and Emily Blunt would be bringing the sunshine, per usual, but Emily got in on the shotgun action too. A slight change up from Salmon Fishing in the Yemen... I hope, for the salmon's sake.

The Lucky One

 

Rabbitt: Ugh. Really. This looks terrible and unfortunately, it is probably going to unseat The Hunger Games and win this weekend's box office because nothing else worthwhile is coming out. For having never seen Zac Efron act before, I really seem to not like him one bit. That is probably unfair. If someone were to just read me the story without seeing the trailer, I don't think I would write it off so quickly. But, something about this trailer really bothers me. And his name is Zac Efron.

Hammock: I actually find Zac Efron oddly charming. Is it the boyish grin or the way he nonchalantly leaves the "k" off the end of his first name or because he had a brief cameo in one of the greatest shows ever made (Firefly)? I don't know. Maybe it's because he's always pictured with Vanessa Hudgens and he benefits from all the positive feelings she generates inside me. Doesn't matter. What does matter is that you're right, Stephan... this movie is going to suck big time. The people who can make it through life without seeing this sap fest are the lucky ones.

Magic Mike

 

Hammock: Maybe I shouldn't have issued that apology to Channing last week after all. Magic Mike is supposedly a romantic comedy that faintly resembles Channing Tatum's real life foray into the world of p̶o̶o̶r̶ ̶a̶c̶t̶i̶n̶g̶  male stripping. While I'm totally dying to know all about Channing's personal life, I can't help but think that this is the last movie I would ever want to see (except for maybe Drive Angry 2: Drive Angrier). It's not that I expect it to be horrible (Soderbergh's directing after all), it's just that I can't think of one thing that this film could possibly offer me. I mean, besides body image issues. Even if it's well-acted, well-directed and well-(stripped?), how am I going to enjoy this movie? Just because my last name is Hammock doesn't mean I delight in viewing banana hammocks on the big screen. And if you're thinking that I'm just not secure enough in my own masculinity to go see a movie like this, keep in mind, I own a unicorn pillow pet. Alas, I guess some movies just aren't for me... I'm sure Magic Mike will make plenty of money without my ten bucks.

Note: Good news, Mr. Tatum. Magic Mike could turn be out to be abysmal and still outshine the rest of the stripper movie genre. Striptease and Showgirls both received the not-so-coveted Razzie Award for worst picture... no amount of Mike's magic can make them disappear

Rabbitt: It would be hard to pick a Razzie Worst Picture frontrunner for 2012 at this point. You already have Lockout and soon-to-be released Battleship surely in the running,and we’ll have another installment of both GI Joe and Razzie favorite Twilight before year-end. It’s likely shaping up to be quite the list at the Razzie Worst Picture Showcase, where they pay you $10 to sit through the year’s 10 worst movies. That $10 can replace the $10 you threw away making it rain in the theater on Magic Mike opening night. The WPS doesn’t actually exist, by the way; you know, it’s like 5 divided by 0. Are there Razzie awards for math jokes?

Anyway, Magic Mike: a romantic comedy centered around a pair of male-strippers. Talk about an untapped market. I’m with David in that this movie probably isn’t going to be as bad as I would like it to be. I’ll just have to rely on movie critic reviews to form my opinion as there is a 100% chance that I’ll never see for myself. I am, however, somewhat interested to see how it performs at the box office. I have to figure that a rom com with some topless McConaughey action will bring in more than a few ladies. Then, you throw in Tatum, Alex Pettyfer (I am Number Four) and Matt Bomer (White Collar). Now I’m beginning to see why I didn’t get this casting call... because I’m studying for the CPA exam, obviously.

Editor's Note: Beacsue Magic Mike is a romantic comedy about male strippers involving Mr.'s Tatum and McConaughey we would be remiss if we didn't ask the opinion of an FoW certified female. So, we asked our resident cartoonist and Ireland aficionado Laurie Skelton to weigh in. Laurie... bring us home.

Laurie: A Certified Female Response to Magic Mike, eh? Well, first off, I have to weigh in with Stephan on the fact that Magic Mike's major failing looks to be that it's not going to be bad enough to merit a ten-dollar trip to the Friday night cinema. And this, friends, is truly a travesty. There is nothing more depressing than a terrible concept for a movie heavily reliant on sexy body shots and wet t-shirts that takes itself waaay too seriously (Transformers IIanyone?).  

Oh, and he "makes" furniture by throwing pre-cut slabs of glass on what looks to be... um... an air conditioning vent? Mikey, honey, any self-respecting DIY blogger could do that with twenty dollars and a few trips to the local Home Depot/thrift store. I mean, I'm not saying you're not talented, I'm just saying that at least in Flashdance the chick got to use a blow torch. 

Again, this movie is on the line--not bad enough to be good and certainly not good enough to be good. If there was the slightest hint of "oh wow aren't we ridiculous" self-deprecation in this movie trailer, I really think we'd have a winner (loser?) on our hands.  Sadly... eh. I remain unmoved. What can I say?  Cowboys aren't my thing. (Maybe that's why I'm moving to Ireland...?)

Although, now that I think about it, if they let me pay the ticket booth cashier by "makin' it rain." I'll be much more likely to attend. They should really turn that into a promotional event.