Friday, April 27, 2012

FoW MTR: April 27

By David Hammock and Thomas Hokum


Cosmopolis

 

Hammock: Press pause at the one second mark. Could it be? Are those tiny leaves? R-Patz is in a movie that boasts the vaunted Cannes logo! Sure, Cosmopolis is merely a selection (think participation ribbon at a science fair), but this is a big step forward for Mr. Cullen, who has yet to appear in a well-received film in which he was not portraying a Hufflepuff. Sadly, I'm not sure this is the movie that will break that trend... I can't imagine the Cannes jury being très impressed with Jay Baruchel. And what's with the bragging about being the "first film about our new millenium"? What about Wall-E? Nevertheless, I'm rooting for Robert Pattinson to finally earn some long-awaited acting cred. After all, I did name my favorite office appliance after him.


Hokum
: When that kid from Twilight is the first thing I see, I want to turn it off. But then I see the mercenary dude from Lost (Oh Keamy, you loved to shoot people) and figure things might be okay. So if I had to guess at the plot I would assume Mr. Vampire (who I’m assuming is still a vampire in this movie because he is never in the sunlight or eating garlic, but still seducing annoying women) rides around in his limo from the future, tricking women to get in with the shiny blue lights and display screens that make me think of the Starship Enterprise. Meanwhile, he avoids attacks from the rat-worshipping citizens of the future “cosmopolis,” which has to be the dumbest word I’ve ever heard. Almost as dumb as worshiping rats. Did I mention the rats? They seem to be important, but mostly I think everyone is Cosmopolis is on drugs. Or they are possessed by the dark rodent god Cheez Wiz? At the 50 second mark, a screen appears informing me that the movie is based on a book, which I guess is supposed to reassure me that somebody actually liked it enough to put words to it, but then I notice it’s by Don DeLillo and therefore probably didn’t make the NYT Bestseller List. All seems lost until 1:46 when we see Robert Pattinson appear to take a gun and blow a hole in his hand, which yeah, maybe I’d pay to see... so long as they’re silver bullets.

Lawless

 


Hammock: I've been familiar with this movie for a while now because a good chunk of it was filmed in Newnan, GA, where I lived at the time. I believe it was called The Wettest County in the World back then and it was hard to ignore because everyone was always running into Shia LaBeouf around town. I didn't care too much, as Shia obviously peaked on Even Stevens, but had I known that running into Jessica Chastain was a possibility, I may have ventured out more... as if there's actually anything to do in Newnan. Lawless boasts an impressive cast, but I'm not all that intrigued by its premise. Prohibition is so 90 years ago. Get with the program like Cosmopolis and make a movie about our new millenium... you know, without the giant rats.

Hokum: Being a huge fan of gangster movies, there’s only so much mud I can sling on this one. I will say that for the first 30 seconds I was waiting for Shia’s circa-1940’s Ford to turn into a giant robot and start squashing policemen. Actually, thinking about how much I enjoyed Cowboys Vs. Aliens, it might not have been a bad idea. As Hammock said, the cast is impressive and any time a Tommy Gun is fired on screen you can pretty much count on my $7 $10 $12.

Hotel Transylvania

 


Hammock: Animated films always cast a plethora of stars to do the voices, but one name stood out to me when looking at the lineup for Hotel Transylvania: Genndy Tartakovsky. "Who's that?" you might ask. Why, Genndy Tartakovsky is the creator/director/writer of childhood favorites Dexter's Laboratory, The Powerpuff Girls, and Samurai Jack, and is directing this movie. Now I don't know how well his talents will transfer to the big screen, but with a cartoon resume like that, I'm willing to give Hotel Transylvania a chance... even if it does have Adam Sandler in it.

Hokum: Well, Hammock threatens to throw us off topic as I now have to gush le emotional about the awesomeness of Dexter's Laboratory while pondering why Tartakovsky (whose name I wasn't aware of, but must be awesome) has not made more cartoons for me to eye-devour. As far as the trailer, I really like the art direction - it almost looks cell shaded - especially at the beginning where they play with light sources. I'm not going to lie, I was a a big fan of Scooby Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf (the old cartoon movie about Scooby and Shaggy racing in Dracula's "Monster Road Rally") growing up and seeing all the old Hollywood monsters brings back some nostalgia. However, as soon as Dracula opens his mouth and the Waterboy's voice comes out, the whole thing is ruined. I look forward to falling asleep while I watch it on DVD Netflix.

Ruby Sparks

 


Hammock: I can't decide whether Ruby Sparks sounds more like the name of a porn star or an energy drink. Either way, I like the premise. It has a little bit of the Stranger Than Fiction thing going on where author meets character in real life, but this one takes the idea a step further as the author, Paul Dano, invents and encounters the girl of his dreams. I like Paul Dano. I think it's because he's a certifiably unattractive fellow who's managed to do well in a certifiably shallow town like Hollywood. Speaking of shallow, Ruby begs the question: if you could pen your dream girl/guy into existence, what sorts of things would you be jotting down? I know I speak for Stephan (who's MIA this week) when I say two of the first words that come to my mind are mental and math. Also, Bar and Refaeli.

Hokum: I second Hammock on both liking the premise and getting Stranger Than Fiction deja vu. However, where Fiction was a self-propelled Will Ferrell comedy, I get the feeling that Ruby Sparks might try to get its feet wet in the deep end of the drama pool. Honestly, the premise seems so obvious - writer falls in love with his creation - that I'm surprised I haven't seen some iteration of it before. I had no idea this movie was even in the works, but now I'm definitely planning on seeing it. Plus, it's got the geeky kid from The Girl Next Door. Oh, and Hammock, I assume the title refers to what happens when these lovely two gingers get down. ~Hokum out.