Wednesday, November 30, 2011

And the Winner Is... Everyone: Part 4

The Oscar for Best Actor is Slim Shady's to lose

Everybody likes movies, but not everybody likes the same kind of movie. Some folks enjoy critically acclaimed films while others prefer a special effects driven flick. Sadly, it seems like Hollywood rarely puts out a movie that satisfies both crowds. That's why we here at The Kids Are Aight are working hard to petition Hollywood for the following remakes and mash-ups that will help bring the two crowds together.

Super 8 Mile: JJ Abrams directs Eminem in this heartwarming tale of a young man who engulfs himself in the world of underground rap after losing his mother. Though his dad will never understand his thuggish way of life, Eminem's character rap battles his way to the top, proving his worth to his dad, his friends, and most of all... himself. Also, there's an alien.

Puss in Das Boots: Basically, the cat from Shrek is on a WWII-era German submarine and... well, it doesn't really matter. It's animated, it's in 3D, it's got the Shrek name attached to it... it'll make bank.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the Help: Scott Pilgrim's life is all peaches and gravy until he meets the girl of his dreams and discovers that in order to be with her, he has to defeat her seven evil ex-maids. This film is extremely racist and should not be viewed by anyone.

Jurassic Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut: Hold on to you #@$%*@%*&(#@(^%(*@#@^*(*-ing butts.

Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Shrek, But Were Too Afraid To Ask: Woody Allen directs the 5th film in the Shrek franchise for some unknown reason.