Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Worst Thing Ever

The following is a conversation with a friend about a very serious, surprisingly prevalent problem plaguing the modern world:

David: You know what sucks? When you fall asleep when it's still light outside, then wake up a few hours later and it's dark. Is there a name for that?

Tom: That depends. Are you tired now?

David: No, I'm wide awake.

Tom: I was afraid of that. That, my friend, is called Worst Thing Ever. It's a terrifying event in which the victim, tired from a long day, unwittingly falls asleep while the sun is still shining, only to wake up to a dark, unforgiving night sky. It's accompanied by an overwhelming to desire to kill oneself.

David: Yeah, totally. That's it. Is there a cure for Worst Thing Ever?

Tom: I'm afraid not. With the option of sleep eliminated by that demon of a nap you just took, the only thing you can do is try to keep calm and wait until the sun once again shines the light of hope through the windows of your house and into your cold, despondent heart.

David: I can't believe this is happening to me. I never thought I would be affected by Worst Thing Ever. What did I do to deserve this?

Tom: It's not your fault.

David: I know.

Tom: It's not your fault!

David: Hey, do you like apples?

Tom: Well now you're just quoting Good Will Hunting.

David: Is that another symptom?

Tom: How do you like them apples?!

David: Son of a biscuit, you stole my line.