Pet Peeves

Everyone has those one or two things that get on their nerves... I have a few more than that. Here are some of my pet peeves:


1. It's either gonna be really good or really bad. 

Divorce Cab For Cutie = really okay new album

I hear this one all the time. Something along the lines of: "I can't believe Zooey Deschanel and Ben Gibbard got divorced. Omg, I wonder how that will affect the next Death Cab For Cutie album. It's either gonna be really good or really bad."


Or, you know, it could fall somewhere in between. Most things do. I think this cliche should be reserved for the rare occasions when it's actually true. Something like: "Whoa, did you hear that Hitler and Mother Teresa are having a baby together? Man, that kid is either gonna be really good or really bad." I would accept that.


2. When you hold the door open for someone and they don't say thank you or acknowledge you in any way.


It's a nice gesture—sparing a few seconds of your time to make life a little easier for your fellow man. Unfortunately, your fellow man doesn't see it that way. He walks silently through the entryway as if the portal opened by way of door magic. It's not that I want to slam the door in his face; it's just that—well— yeah, I kinda do. Of course, a drastic move like this is either a really good idea or a really bad one.


3. When you need to get someone's attention discreetly so you whisper their name, but they answer you in their normal voice—or louder—thus ruining your attempt at discretion.


It goes something like this:


You and your friend, Chad, are meeting up with Chad's girlfriend. When you get there, Chad's girlfriend has brought along her friend, whom you've met several times before. Embarrassingly, you can't remember her name. The four of you are now standing together and it's going to be awkward if it gets out that you don't remember her name. Luckily, the two girls are chatting fervently between themselves, so you have time to inconspicuously ask Chad the girl's name. You whisper, "psst, Chad" but much to your chagrin, Chad— who was only half-paying attention to the girls' conversation—responds to you in a completely audible voice: "WHAT?" Chad is your friend and it was obvious you were trying to be discreet, yet Chad has now blown your cover and the girls are staring at you and if you don't think quickly, you're going to look like an idiot—an idiot who still doesn't know the girl's name.


I can't tell you how many times something like this has happened to me. Be on the lookout for this phenomenon; it happens more often than you think.


4. I'm not a b*tch, I just speak the truth.


Anyone who has to point out that they're not a b*tch is probably a b*tch.


5. Attributing quotes to people who obviously didn't say them.

"To thine own self be true."

I see this all the time on Facebook or Twitter under a person's "favorite quotes" section: insightful, poetic quotes get attributed to ghetto rappers or mindless actors who clearly never said anything of the sort. Here's an example:


You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.  ~ Lil Wayne

Yeah, I'm sure the man who wants to 'pick the world up and drop it on your effing head' is the same man who's responsible for this darling sentiment. Makes perfect sense. Of course the offenders here are usually teenage girls, who—let's face it—are the source of most of my pet peeves.