Thursday, May 3, 2012

Strengths and Weaknesses: The Avengers

The Avengers opens in theaters this weekend, bringing with it a veritable who's who of Marvel superheroes. Of course, even superheroes have their faults, some of which we'll take a look at in this installment of Strengths and Weaknesses.


The Avengers

STRENGTHS
  • Movie should make enough money at the box office to eliminate the national debt
  • Have all the makings of a great boy band
  • Wisely included Samuel L. Jackson so they don't look racist
  • Know the value of teamwork, but ignore that and focus on the value of superpowers
  • Now that the movie is finally out, maybe I won't have to sit through three Avengers promos every time there's a commercial break on TV
  • All five sides of Captain America's star are equal sizes, which, if you've ever tried to draw a star, is really hard to accomplish
  • All members would probably win the Hunger Games... except maybe Hawkeye
  • Movie will help bide time until The Dark Knight Rises comes out in July

WEAKNESSES
  • I don't like the Hulk even when he's not angry
  • Only one woman to cook for all those hungry superheroes
  • Thor has a god complex
  • Hawkeye still troubled from his time spent as a doctor during the Korean War
  • Only Scarlett Johansson needs to be wearing tights and latex
  • From far away, Captain America's shield looks like a giant target
  • Iron Man doesn't have a secret identity... or a twitter account
  • Superhero tax bracket is a real killer