Thursday, May 31, 2012

Strengths and Weaknesses: I'll Have Another

Next Saturday, 3-year-old colt, I'll Have Another, can become the first horse since 1978 to win the coveted Triple Crown of Thoroughbred Racing. We'll examine his chances of success in this installment of Strengths and Weaknesses:


I'll Have Another

STRENGTHS
  • Always puts the team on his back
  • Has twice as many legs as the world's fastest man
  • Able to be converted into glue
  • In talks with Nike to develop own horseshoe
  • Proud Chestnut-American
  • Pretty successful for a 3-year-old
  • Always finishes the race before his jockey
  • Only racehorse anyone in America knows the name of

WEAKNESSES
  • Terrible at post-race interviews
  • 67% of the way to the Triple Crown, which is still an F
  • Name isn't so much a name as it is a sentence fragment
  • Has surprisingly little horse sense
  • Is a colt, which is the worst team in the NFL
  • Thinks Belmont Stakes are cuts of meat
  • Like NBA teams, doesn't try hard until the end
  • If he loses at Belmont, this entire post will be irrelevant in less than a week