In honor of my 4th favorite explorer's eponymous holiday, I'm introducing a new segment called Strengths & Weaknesses, where I'll assess someone's, um, strengths and weaknesses. Maybe the name needs some work.
- Made 1492 way the best year of the 1400s.
- Has his own holiday. Suck it, Magellan.
- Made it across ocean without GPS.
- Reincarnated as famous director.
- Italian, but not the fist-pumping kind.
- Would probably have won gold medal for long-distance sailing if such a thing existed.
- First and last name start with same letter, so twice as likely to have been a superhero.
- Sturdy sea legs, including ridiculously well-defined sea calves.
- Always thought the term was "circlonavigate."
- Mistook Bahamas for Indies... and his girlfriend for not a whore.
- Little known 4th ship, The Columbinator, sank on 2nd day of voyage.
- Lost race to be "1st to discover New World" to the indigenous people of New World.
- Forgot to pack sun-tan lotion.
- Kinda destroyed an entire civilization.
- Never could remember which side was starboard.
- Is dead.