Thursday, July 25, 2013

TV Crushes

I read an article on the AV Club not too long ago where the whole staff wrote a paragraph about their first crush on a character of a TV show. They were funny, sweet, charming, and endearing -- so I asked some of my funny, sweet, charming, and endearing friends to write a few words about one of their first TV crushes -- the result is funny sweet, charming, and endearing. Also, I wrote one:

Peyton Sawyer - One Tree Hill
   ~ David Hammock

I know what you're thinking; One Tree Hill is a show for teenage girls. Well that's true, but what you should be thinking is SHUT UP. My little sister was a big One Tree Hill fan when she was younger and I would occasionally watch it with her and I ended up getting hooked on all the wonderfully angsty drama. In addition to said drama, OTH (don't call it that) offered two pretty great things: a surprisingly legit indie soundtrack and a cute, indie cheerleader named Peyton Sawyer. Good looks and good taste in music -- move over Hannah Montana, P. Sawyer represents the best of both worlds. She was the perfect balance of smart, witty, playful, and broody... and all her music was on vinyl. I almost went with Veronica Mars instead of Peyton, but it's been a long time since was into that show and, well, you know, I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately.


Kimberly Hart - Power Rangers
   ~ Ryan Nichols

While the pterodactyl is far from my favorite dinosaur, it definitely represents the hottest of the Power Rangers. Kimberly (Amy Jo Johnson) was a fearsome fighter and a worthy gymnast, but most importantly, she was always nice to the not-so-formidable blue ranger, who was my favorite. Of course, she was VERY nice to the green ranger, but I think she was only interested in his "dragon-dagger." My love for Kimberly was so strong that I even followed Amy Jo Johnson's post-power ranger career. She starred in Susie Q as a prom-obsessed socialite and then... I gave up on her. I wanted to remember Amy Jo at her best -- as the charming, happy-go-lucky, flexible, pink martial artist on Power Rangers.


Diane Chambers - Cheers
   ~ T.S. Oldman

Since I'm in my 20s and watch an inordinate amount of television, I should probably say someone like Aubrey Plaza's April from Parks & Rec or Zooey Deschanel playing a version of herself on New Girl, but I can't. My heart will always belong to Diane Chambers and her five wonderful seasons on the best sitcom in the history of televsion, Cheers. (Seinfeld is only an acceptable answer if you are heartless person who prefers the quotable nihlism of Jerry's "No hugs, no learning" mantra to Cheers' heartfelt, live-audience fun). Shelley Long's Diane was a  professional student who studied art, literature, and sociology, yet, couldn't fathom why anyone would care about baseball, hockey, or basketball. Brilliant but naive. More than anything else, Diane's sharp wit and facial ticks always made me laugh. Having never watched the show growing up (toddlers aren't so great at following dialogue), I plowed through the first five seasons last year on Netflix. And despite knowing that Diane wasn't coming back for a sixth season, I still teared up while watching her last scene. Not my strongest moment, but that's what crushes ultimately do: leave you little bit happy, a little bit sad, and your eyes a little bit wet.


Sydney Bristow - Alias
   ~ Tom Kimsey

Five minutes into the JJ Abrams spy series and I was smitten. Yes, with JJ Abrams, but I'll save that obsession for another day. Sydney Bristow is the perfect balance for any guy - capable, sexy spy and lovable girl-next-door. Not to mention single (thank you colorblind assassin), though maybe not so much available (Bradley Cooper, sexiest man of the year, called dibs before I had a chance). Through five seasons my love never waned, even though she forgot about me and every other guy who had a chance with her in that awesome season two cliffhanger. Syd, no matter how long it takes to get in your dad's good graces; through all the missions, the convoluted plots, and the changing code names (you'll always be my Mountaineer); I'll be here for you.


Kate Austen - Lost
   ~ Stephan Rabbitt



I never had cable growing up so I was limited to about eight channels for the first 18 years of my life. Of those eight channels, many came in quite fuzzy with our rabbit ear antenna. The only programming I regularly watched was Braves baseball, so I draw from a somewhat limited pool of shows. First, I thought about going with Kelly Kapowski. But, let's be honest, who didn't have a crush on Kelly Kapowski? After that, I thought about Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island. This one was mostly ruled out because I have an awful memory and couldn't tell you a thing about her other than that she shipwrecked on a 3-hour tour, a 3-hour tour...and that her and the professor were left out of theme song for a while. Instead, I went with a more recent deserted (or is it) island vixen... Kate Austen. She has the distinct advantage of being on one of my favorite TV shows of all time. Also, we have tons in common. She worked in the hatch to save-the-world by typing numbers in a computer. I save the world doing the same thing every day at work, one taxpayer at a time. Clearly, we would get along great. I could teach her some Excel tricks:

Rabbitt: You know, Kate - I bet I can record a macro to enter these numbers in so you don't have to manually input every 108 minutes.
Austen: Wow, that would be great. You are my favorite! We can use that extra time to talk and learn more about each other's past.
Rabbitt: ...Actually, let's stick with the manual input.