Haterade isn't a real product. You can't buy it in stores or even purchase it online. As much as the word Haterade is thrown around these days, it's a surprise and a shame that it's not an actual drink. You would think some eccentric person with money to blow would take a chance on this gimmick and start mass producing some delicious Haterade for the world to enjoy -- or maybe to hate. Maybe it's just that no one has thought up a solid assortment of Haterade flavors. That's where I come in. Here are some of my ideas for Haterade flavors:
Sour GrapePassion-Aggressive Fruit
All Lemon, No Lime
Orange Crushed Spirit
Pink Gripefruit
On Mountain Blast
Melondrama
Fruit Punch (some things don't change)
That's a good start, but what sports drink is complete without famous athlete endorsements? Gatorade boasts well-liked athletes like Michael Jordan and Peyton Manning to advertise their products. Haterade should go in the opposite direction -- special flavors endorsed by the most hated athletes in all of sports:
Lance Armstrong's Blood Orange Transfusion
Ray Lewis' I'm a Changed Mango
Metta World Peach
Brett Favre's Trouser Dragonfruit
OJ Simpson's Guilt-Tea
Alex Rodriguez's Lifetime Banana
Tiger Woods' Apricot With Your Pants Down
Mike Tyson's Tropical Punch
Manti Te'o's Lemon Lie
Kobe Bryant's Alleged Grape
I wonder which of those flavors would sell the best. Certainly not Brett Favre's Trouser Dragonfruit.
I love OJ's
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