Strengths and Weaknesses: Frankenstein

It's Halloween and who better to focus on today than one of history's most prolific monsters, Frankenstein? Let's take a look at some of the big guy's strengths and weaknesses.

FRANKENSTEIN

STRENGTHS

• Only Jewish monster besides Jedidiah the Friendly Ghost.
• Bolts on neck good for hanging earphones when not in use.
• Comprised of separate body parts... just like celebrities.
• Doesn't get angry when people mistake him for the Hulk,  Shrek, or the Phillie Phanatic.
• I think he mighta been the guy who just married and divorced Kim Kardashian. (Maybe this should go under weaknesses)
• Never has to dress up for Halloween.
• Doesn't have a mother, so no chance of developing an Oedipus complex.
• Colors inside the lines.

WEAKNESSES

• Lost out on lucrative cereal endorsement deal to Frankenberry.
• Scar on forehead really should have cleared up by now.
• No one cares his full name is Frankenstein Jones.
• Still uses MySpace.
• Doesn't understand why everyone at Fenway Park is always talking about him.
• Angry mob always following him with pitchforks, yet hardly any followers on Twitter.
• Complicated relationship with father, human race. 
• When at parties, refuses to do any dance besides the monster mash.
  
  
  And since it's Halloween, have a look at my pumpkins from the last 2 years. The one on the left is supposed to be Ke$ha. Supposed to be. I went with a far less ambitious approach this year by simply carving the Varsity V and then drawing delicious Varsity food around it.
  

Fun With Potato Famine

I saw a special on the History Channel about the Irish Potato Famine where the narrator asked the viewer to imagine what it would have been like to live during that trying time. It's long been my policy to do exactly what the good people on television tell me to do, so I imagined what life might be like during the Great Irish Famine of the 1840s. Turns out, it wasn't so bad. This is due in most part to me imagining myself in the United States and not Ireland, as the narrator did not specify location. Sure there were no iPhones or internet, but there was plenty to eat and no Justin Bieber ... a pleasant era indeed. But what of my Irish brethren across the Atlantic? What was it like? What if someone I knew was Irish and lived during the Potato Famine? Then it hit me. I do know someone Irish. The band U2. Omg, what if U2 had lived in Ireland during the potato famine?! Why it could have changed the very course of rock and roll!

Songwriters tend to write about what's going on around them. Dylan wrote about counterculture, Lennon wrote about social activism, Ke$ha writes about glitter*... it would make sense that if U2 were around back then that they would have written about the Potato Famine. With hunger as the driving force behind their music, the starving artists would have probably released some slightly different singles. Here's a quick look at what might have been:

• Sunday Bloody Sunday --->
  Sunday Hungry Sunday
• With Or Without You --->
  With Or Without Food
• I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For --->
  I Still Haven't Found Something On My Fork
• One --->
  None
• Hold Me, Kill Me, Kiss Me, Thrill Me --->
  Feed Me, Feed Me, Feed Me, Feed Me
• One Tree Hill --->
  One Wee Meal
• Elevation --->
  Malnutrition
• If God Would Send His Angels --->
  If God Would Send Some Pringles

Who knows what other ways the Potato Famine could have changed U2 and the rock and roll landscape? Would they have been able to practice and master their craft while near the Edge of starvation? Reduced to skin and Bonos, would they have had the strength to play at all? Lucky for the band and their fans, these questions are irrelevant. Personally, I'd be way more upset if Snow Patrol was the Irish band that had to endure the Potato Famine... wouldn't U2?


* This is the 2nd dig I've taken at Ke$ha on this blog in as many months, but let it be known that TKAA has always been and always will be Pro-Ke$ha. In fact, I would like to extend a formal invitation to Miss, um, whatever Ke$ha's last name is, to be the official celebrity ambassador for the blog... unless Katy Perry is available.

Beginner's Luck

Should I start this blog off with a question? Ha ha... ha. Sorry. You'll have to excuse me, I'm quite nervous. You see, this is my first post on this blog and there's a lot of pressure to make a good first impression. I have big plans for this thing. Start out small, build a following, word spreads, and bam... I'm famous and loved by all. Nah. Truth is, I just like to write. Most of the time it's stuff that only I think is funny, but sometimes other people seem to enjoy it too. I've even had a few people tell me I should start a blog. Check it out:

"Hey man, you should totally start a blog." - Anonymous

Encouraging. And you never know... that anonymous person could be a super-talented, influential individual. Nah, it's Ke$ha. (That's for kicking me to the curb for not looking like Mick Jagger, jerk.) Anyway, I want this blog thing to go well, so I figured it's probably a good idea to start out with a little luck on my side... and what's luckier than a bowl of lucky charms? Nothing. (Once you take out the nasty non-marshmallows.) So let's hope these hearts, stars, horseshoes, clovers, blue moons, pots of gold, rainbows, and red balloons I'm eating right now bring me and this blog some luck... and not adult-onset diabetes.


P.S. - I get horseshoes, clovers, and even blue moons, but how are red balloons lucky? I guess 'rabbit's foot' just doesn't rhyme.