Birthday Wishes

Friday is my birthday. This, dear reader, is obviously very important to you. Okay, it's not. But I find that if people know it's your birthday, they're a lot nicer, kinder, and more generous toward you... and that's never a bad thing. I can feel the good vibes already.
Anyway, I just wanted to share with you some of the birthday wishes that I'll be making as I blow out the candles on my cake this year in hopes that they'll come true. I know that supposedly wishes don't come true when you share them with others, but I wished for a dinosaur 12 straight birthdays without telling a soul and never got one, so maybe blogging your wishes is the way to go.

Wish #1: To be able to listen to the radio for five minutes without hearing Adele.

I don't dislike Adele. I'm fine with her and her music, but I've heard "Rolling in the Deep" 374 times... today. Adele, I appreciate the fact that there's a fire starting in your heart and all, but I'd kinda like to listen to some music from someone with a last name for a change.

Wish #2: That a Taco Bell would open up nearby.

Good for the heart... attack

The closest Taco Bell to my house is over 30 miles away. That's straight up un-American. Sure, having not eaten Taco Bell in the last six months has probably added 10 years to my life, but sometimes you just need a 99 cent chicken burrito.

Wish #3: Katy Perry

Russell Brand? C'mon. You can do better than that. I'm funny, I can do a British accent, AND I wash my hair. What exactly do I want with Katy Perry? All that free Proactiv... duh.

Wish #4: For just one, ONE of my teams to win a title.

No need to wrap, there's already a bow

No team I cheer for has won a major title since 1995. That's 16 years. My fan title drought now has a driver's license.

Wish #5: Share

If you like the blog... and let's face it, if you've read this far down, you probably do a little bit... then share it with your friends. Heck, share it with your enemies. Follow the blog, like the facebook page, tweet it, re-tweet it, re-tweet that, #overkill. All that good stuff. It's my birthday, you kinda have to. Thanks to everyone who does keep up with the terribly-titled TKAA... I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I do writing it.

Fun With Potato Famine

I saw a special on the History Channel about the Irish Potato Famine where the narrator asked the viewer to imagine what it would have been like to live during that trying time. It's long been my policy to do exactly what the good people on television tell me to do, so I imagined what life might be like during the Great Irish Famine of the 1840s. Turns out, it wasn't so bad. This is due in most part to me imagining myself in the United States and not Ireland, as the narrator did not specify location. Sure there were no iPhones or internet, but there was plenty to eat and no Justin Bieber ... a pleasant era indeed. But what of my Irish brethren across the Atlantic? What was it like? What if someone I knew was Irish and lived during the Potato Famine? Then it hit me. I do know someone Irish. The band U2. Omg, what if U2 had lived in Ireland during the potato famine?! Why it could have changed the very course of rock and roll!

Songwriters tend to write about what's going on around them. Dylan wrote about counterculture, Lennon wrote about social activism, Ke$ha writes about glitter*... it would make sense that if U2 were around back then that they would have written about the Potato Famine. With hunger as the driving force behind their music, the starving artists would have probably released some slightly different singles. Here's a quick look at what might have been:

• Sunday Bloody Sunday --->
  Sunday Hungry Sunday
• With Or Without You --->
  With Or Without Food
• I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For --->
  I Still Haven't Found Something On My Fork
• One --->
  None
• Hold Me, Kill Me, Kiss Me, Thrill Me --->
  Feed Me, Feed Me, Feed Me, Feed Me
• One Tree Hill --->
  One Wee Meal
• Elevation --->
  Malnutrition
• If God Would Send His Angels --->
  If God Would Send Some Pringles

Who knows what other ways the Potato Famine could have changed U2 and the rock and roll landscape? Would they have been able to practice and master their craft while near the Edge of starvation? Reduced to skin and Bonos, would they have had the strength to play at all? Lucky for the band and their fans, these questions are irrelevant. Personally, I'd be way more upset if Snow Patrol was the Irish band that had to endure the Potato Famine... wouldn't U2?


* This is the 2nd dig I've taken at Ke$ha on this blog in as many months, but let it be known that TKAA has always been and always will be Pro-Ke$ha. In fact, I would like to extend a formal invitation to Miss, um, whatever Ke$ha's last name is, to be the official celebrity ambassador for the blog... unless Katy Perry is available.

Black History Month in July: Part III

Black History Month Great Black Person
#11 of 28: Katy Perry

Ok, so I was originally gonna do Tyler Perry, but I don't particularly like him or his work... I mean, how many times can Madea go to jail? What if I don't wanna meet the Browns? Am I even allowed to see For Colored Girls? So. Katy Perry. Black? No. Black hair? Yes. She's prolly distantly related to Tyler. She did date a black guy once too. Anyway, I love me some Katy Perry, so deal with it.

Black History Month Great Black Person
#12 of 28: Hootie

Nobody cares about you And The Blowfish... this is Hootie's world and we're all just living in it. The talented Hootie (Darius Rucker) rattled off hit after hit in the 90's as a pop singer and then, just for kicks (101.5), became a country singer in the 2000s where he's currently dominating the country music charts. (Suck it, Brad Paisley.) Last year, Rucker became only the 2nd African-American to win a Country Music Award... someday I hope to be the 3rd. Happy BHM, Hootie... I only wanna be with you.

Black History Month Great Black Person
#13 of 28: the black power ranger

It may not have been the same in your neighborhood, but in Riverdale, where I grew up, everyone wanted to be the black power ranger... including me. BUT NO, I had to be the red one or the blue one or that one awful time, the pink one. "Hammock, you're too white to be the black power ranger." Those words still sting. And so it was in my neighborhood... me as the red ranger, the other white kid as the blue ranger, and 17 little black rangers all pretend-fighting evil together. Now that I live in Newnan, I figured not as many people would have dibs on being the black ranger, but turns out, no one besides me wants to play power rangers anymore.

Black History Month Great Black Person #14 of 28: Kingsley Shacklebolt

If you've never read Harry Potter, then you probably don't know who this is. Also, if you've never read Harry Potter, stop reading this and start reading the first HP book immediately... it's the greatest series ever written. Anyway, Kingsley is an auror, which is a wizard who fights to protect against dark magic. That right there is enough to earn him BHM Person of the Day... but wait, there's more. Kingsley helped organize the Underground Hogwarts Express during the Wizard Civil War. He also plays bass in a wizard band that had an album (Wolfgang Amadeus Order of the Phoenix?) go triple-galleon. And oh yeah, he's currently the Minister of Magic... a role I hope he'll reprise when JK Rowling finally gives in and writes an 8th book.

Black History Month Great Black Person #15 of 28: Reverend Starks

If you went to Landmark Christian School circa 2000, you know Rev. Starks. Rev. Starks was the school cook when I was in high school. During that time, Landmark was the only school in the nation to serve soul food for lunch. Ribs, collards, cornbread... that's what's up. Even better, in the mornings Rev. Starks made omelets the size of your head for only a dollar. Lucky we had Coach Thorn back then too to make us run off the extra pounds.

 
(I couldn't find a picture of Rev. Starks, so I used Denzel Washington instead.)