Black History Month Great Black Person #16

Black History Month Great Black Person #16 of 29:

NBA Jam

Is it the shoes? No, it's NBA Jam! Aside from Super MarioKart, this is probably the video game I played the most as a kid. NBA Jam wasn't just a game though, it was a learning experience. I learned that in the NBA, traveling is okay. I learned that a team only needs two good players to succeed. Most importantly, I learned how to trash talk. Of course, it's a lot cooler to say "BOOM-shaka-laka" after a dunk than after a jump shot the way I always did in real life. So why does NBA Jam make it on the BHM list? Well, because I was always the Phoenix Suns and  always used the talented black duo of Charles Barkley and Kevin Johnson. Sorry Dan Majerle, whities ride the pine on my Super Nintendo... just like in the real NBA. Anyway, thanks for all the years of over-the-top basketball fun, NBA Jam... you're still on fire.

* Interesting note: Kevin Johnson is now the mayor of Sacramento, California.

Odds and Ends

Vegetarian

Whenever I hear that someone's a vegetarian, I automatically feel bad for them. I picture them eating celery and lettuce all day every day. I bet that's not the case though. I bet vegetarians eat a ton of candy. I bet it's like, "I can't have a hamburger for dinner, sooooo I'll just have 18 bags of skittles instead!" I bet all the characters from Candyland are vegetarians.

Tolerant advice-giver

There's a commercial sponsored by the NBA, starring NBA players, that urges viewers not to use the word "gay" in a negative light. The commercial shows kids playing basketball and trash-talking, with the first three lines going something like, "the last time you blocked somebody was online" or something dumb like that. Then the fourth line says something like, "your moves are gay," then the NBA players step in and scold the gay comment. I'm fine with trying to get people to not use gay in that way. It probably is hurtful to some people. What I'm not fine with is the NBA telling me not to say it. Really? The NBA? Where the players can't go five minutes without swearing, fighting, and getting arrested? Where the season started a month late because its members are all greedy? THAT NBA is telling me what to say? Right. I'll refrain from calling things gay because it can hurt feelings, not because of your ridiculously lame, hypocritical commercial. Quit calling others out and call some travelling.

Is that you, Ev?

I'm 90% sure the waitress at the Village Cafe in Clayton is Ev from the Real World. To be certain, next time I go, I'm not gonna be polite and see if she starts getting real.

Totally deserves it.

How did the hand-dryer come about? Was the inventor like: "Ugh, these paper towels are getting my hands way too dry. I just gotta invent something that leaves them inconveniently wet so my hands are all drippy like they're meant to be."? I guess they're more eco-friendly, but I'm willing to kill some trees for dry hands. Forests are overrated. And we only have to kill the bad trees, like the one that eats Charlie Brown's kite or the evil one from Lord of the Rings or maybe the Whomping Willow if need be.

Toast on drums

How come rappers hardly ever form bands? It's always like T.I. featuring Drake/Lil Wayne/Snoop Dogg/Kid Cudi/Vanilla Ice/Rick Ross/Young Jeezy/50 Cent/The Game. Just form a band. It's like breakfast. They call it breakfast, not Pancakes featuring Eggs/Bacon/Toast/Grits/Applesauce/Milk.

The key to a woman's heart

I think if I could somehow combine Pinterest, the Bachelor, and Ryan Gosling, I could control 95% of the women of the world.