Showing posts with label animals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label animals. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Preaknik

I'll Have Another & Bodemeister are both visibly upset at the lack of minorities in attendance at this year's Preakness Stakes

If you've followed the blog for a while, you're no doubt familiar with my transition from my "urban" hometown of Riverdale, GA to my "not-so-urban" current place of residence in Clayton, GA. The difference between the two cities is black and white. Literally. Now, there are good and bad aspects of both places, but I can't help but think the transition would have been easier if the two cities weren't such polar opposites. This need for a middle ground seems to be a common theme as it once again became apparent while watching the Preakness Stakes this past weekend.

Horse racing is most definitely a white man's sport. (Is it a sport? I guess it is for the horses.) Whenever the camera panned across the crowd, all I could see was a sea of pale faces. No black people anywhere. Not even a tanned-skin white person. The Preakness is truly a SWASPs only event. It's also an event that's declining in popularity. Once upon a time, horse racing was the third most popular sport in America, but as the years passed and the sport became increasingly synonymous with rich white people, it lost much of its fan base.

Even though I watched the Preakness Stakes and even though I'm certainly pale enough to fit in with the crowd, I don't much care for horse racing. Sure, the race itself is a fairly exciting two minutes, but all the pomp and circumstance is a little off-putting. Much like my current hometown, it's just too dang white. Perhaps I, and the rest of the nation, would like the event better if it had a little more of an urban flavor to it -- the same way I'd like Clayton better if it had a few of the appealing aspects of Riverdale thrown into the mix. But if the Preakness equates to Clayton, what event equates to Riverdale?

Freaknik.

If you've lived in or near Atlanta, you're probably familiar with Freaknik, but in case you aren't, here's the rundown. Freaknik is basically the African-American equivalent to Spring Break in Panama City. Once a year, people (mostly black) would flock to Atlanta in droves for a week's worth of parties, concerts, dancing, and general tomfoolery. It's pretty much the opposite of the Preakness Stakes.


Now I don't have anything against either Preakness or Freaknik, but I wouldn't feel comfortable attending either event. I'd feel out of place at the horse track because I have no money; I'd feel out of place at Freaknik because I have no rhythm. Still, there are aspects of both events that I think I'd enjoy. Like I said before, the race itself at Preakness is entertaining and I know I could get a good pick-up basketball game at Freaknik. If only there was some way to combine the two events so I could have the best of both worlds and so I wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb middle-class white guy.

It's good to combine things
Enter Preaknik.

It would be an ambitious undertaking to be sure, but a combination horse race/urban festival certainly has its charms. Preaknik would have something for everyone: music, animals, gambling, dancing... the works. People of every color would come from far and wide to watch disc jockeys ride horses and bet on slam dunk contests. No more pretentious dress codes, no more riots -- just fun for everyone.

It doesn't happen often, but I think I've stumbled upon a great idea in Preaknik -- almost as great as Taco Bell's Doritos Locos Taco... which, coincidentally, is the official food of Preaknik.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

While You Were Testing...


I had to proctor the SAT the other day. Now, taking the SAT can be a long, painful process, but proctoring the SAT is almost as bad. Sure, it's fun to read "fill in the bubble completely" 75 times, but the 25 minutes between announcing "there are no calculators allowed on this section" and "pencils down" can be pretty long ones... and there are 10 sections in all. Yes, it could have been a long 4 hours, but as luck would have it, I found a piece of paper and a box of crayons. The following is what happens when you give me a piece of paper, a box of crayons, and a whole lot of free time:

Yes, I know Ketchup Kitty is kinda pink, but I wanted to save the red crayon for Hot Sauce Hamster and the pinkish color was the only other option. You know how it is.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Meeting the Neighbors

Chocolate Face
I recently moved from South Atlanta to the North Georgia mountains. Along with a new job, new house, new surroundings, I have also have new neighbors. Now I was blessed with some pretty cool neighbors at my old house, including not one, but two Hooters waitresses in the houses adjacent. My new neighbors? Well, I couldn't really tell you. I haven't spoken to them very much because they're just not around like at the old neighborhood. In Atlanta, we'd have bonfires, poker nights, cookouts, but here, it's just not like that. And that's fine. But when it comes to talking about my new neighbors, there's just not that much to tell. UNLESS. Unless you count animals. There are tons of pets and they've been way more welcoming than their owners. The only thing about knowing the pet better than you know the owner is that you have no idea what the animals' names are. You can't ask a dog its name. Well, you can, but it's pretty fruitless. It's also weird to ask the owners their pets' names. It's like, "hey Neighbor-to-the-left-that-I-never-talk-to, just wondering, well first of all hi, but just wondering, what is your dog's name? I'm David, by the way. Also, what's your name?" Awkward. So, I don't know these pets' names, but I've gotta call them something, right? Right. So being that they can't talk and that you can call cats and dogs pretty much whatever you want, I've come up with some lovely names for the pets in my neighborhood:

Big brown dog: Chocolate Face
Little black dog: Zeppelin
German shepherd: Achtung Doggie
Dalmatian-ish puppy: Spoticus
White cat: Polar Cat
Black and white cat: Race War
Dog 2 doors down that won't shut up: Chelsea Handler
Dog 3 doors down: Kryptonite
Orange cat: Ginger Paws
Yellow cat: Cat Michael Murray


I hope I never learn their real names. They'll probably pale in comparison to the fake names that took me several thoughtful seconds each to conjure. By the way, I've actually never seen Chocolate Face's owner. I hope he's not black. That could be an awful situation. I'm jogging down the street... I see the dog race out of its driveway... "Hey Chocolate Face!"... the black guy appears steps behind... "No no no, I was talking to your dog... brah... I mean sir." Then I can really kiss the bonfires and poker nights goodbye.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Animals That Shouldn't Mate


It's kinda cool how different animal species can mate and have hybrid animal babies. Like lions and tigers can make ligers, zebras and ponies can make zonies, and Nickelodeon can make CatDog. But while some hybrids are okay, others just don't work:

Obviously there can be no Bulldog and Shih Tzu mixture... but we've all known that since 4th grade.

Penguins and Ibises are both birds. That would work, right? Think about it.
Penguin + Ibis = Penis

Anything + Rooster = not good.
(Giant Panda + Rooster = Giant Cock)
(Gila Monster + Rooster = Monster Cock)
(Dinosaur + Rooster = Thunder Cock)

Sperm whales are pretty much out of the question.

Definitely can't breed donkeys with anything.



What a terribly juvenile post this was... I apologize.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Lily Allen vs. Lily, my cat

Lately, I've been noticing a lot of similarities between Lily Allen and Lily my cat:

- same name, even spelled the same
- both have black hair
- both are kinda jerks
- both have excellent singing voices
- neither like to wear clothes
- i heart them both