Preaknik

I'll Have Another & Bodemeister are both visibly upset at the lack of minorities in attendance at this year's Preakness Stakes

If you've followed the blog for a while, you're no doubt familiar with my transition from my "urban" hometown of Riverdale, GA to my "not-so-urban" current place of residence in Clayton, GA. The difference between the two cities is black and white. Literally. Now, there are good and bad aspects of both places, but I can't help but think the transition would have been easier if the two cities weren't such polar opposites. This need for a middle ground seems to be a common theme as it once again became apparent while watching the Preakness Stakes this past weekend.

Horse racing is most definitely a white man's sport. (Is it a sport? I guess it is for the horses.) Whenever the camera panned across the crowd, all I could see was a sea of pale faces. No black people anywhere. Not even a tanned-skin white person. The Preakness is truly a SWASPs only event. It's also an event that's declining in popularity. Once upon a time, horse racing was the third most popular sport in America, but as the years passed and the sport became increasingly synonymous with rich white people, it lost much of its fan base.

Even though I watched the Preakness Stakes and even though I'm certainly pale enough to fit in with the crowd, I don't much care for horse racing. Sure, the race itself is a fairly exciting two minutes, but all the pomp and circumstance is a little off-putting. Much like my current hometown, it's just too dang white. Perhaps I, and the rest of the nation, would like the event better if it had a little more of an urban flavor to it -- the same way I'd like Clayton better if it had a few of the appealing aspects of Riverdale thrown into the mix. But if the Preakness equates to Clayton, what event equates to Riverdale?

Freaknik.

If you've lived in or near Atlanta, you're probably familiar with Freaknik, but in case you aren't, here's the rundown. Freaknik is basically the African-American equivalent to Spring Break in Panama City. Once a year, people (mostly black) would flock to Atlanta in droves for a week's worth of parties, concerts, dancing, and general tomfoolery. It's pretty much the opposite of the Preakness Stakes.


Now I don't have anything against either Preakness or Freaknik, but I wouldn't feel comfortable attending either event. I'd feel out of place at the horse track because I have no money; I'd feel out of place at Freaknik because I have no rhythm. Still, there are aspects of both events that I think I'd enjoy. Like I said before, the race itself at Preakness is entertaining and I know I could get a good pick-up basketball game at Freaknik. If only there was some way to combine the two events so I could have the best of both worlds and so I wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb middle-class white guy.

It's good to combine things

Enter Preaknik.

It would be an ambitious undertaking to be sure, but a combination horse race/urban festival certainly has its charms. Preaknik would have something for everyone: music, animals, gambling, dancing... the works. People of every color would come from far and wide to watch disc jockeys ride horses and bet on slam dunk contests. No more pretentious dress codes, no more riots -- just fun for everyone.

It doesn't happen often, but I think I've stumbled upon a great idea in Preaknik -- almost as great as Taco Bell's Doritos Locos Taco... which, coincidentally, is the official food of Preaknik.

The SWASP

If you follow the blog, you know that I dedicated the majority of February to Black History Month profiles. I figure that after a month of that, you're probably tired of it (racists) and ready for something different. Well, SWASPs are definitely that. What is a SWASP? Well, a SWASP is very much in the tradition of a WASP, which as most of you probably know stands for White Anglo-Saxon Protestant. Here's the urban dictionary definition:

"White Anglo-Saxon Protestant. This usually refers to affluent people in the new england area, but also whites of "old money" in other areas throughout the country."

So basically a WASP is your standard upper-crust, J.Crew-wearing, tennis-playing, horse-owning, Michael Bublé fan. A SWASP is that... and more. A SWASP is a Super WASP. These are the whitest of the white people. These are the frat guys who frat guys think are too fratty. These are the preppiest of the preppy. Get the picture? Here's a quick Foxworthesque rundown:

You might be a SWASP if:

• You own every season of Wings on Blu-Ray.
• You own a pure-bred Cocker Spaniel named Pendleton.
• Your go-to website for slang is suburbandictionary.com
• Your back-up college is still in the Ivy League.
• You have a Fantasy Lacrosse team.
• You use SPF 4000 suntan lotion.
• Your favorite color is soft coral.
• Your favorite rapper is will.i.am.
• You've never eaten a McAnything.
• Two words: pocket watch.
• Two more words: sweater vest.
• You own stock in Pinterest.
• You visit your vacation home to get away from your vacation home.
• You know how to play squash.
• You've been on The Bachelor.
• Your favorite NBA player is J.J. Redick.
• Your children have last names for first names.
• You are able to tell which Olsen twin is on screen in every scene of every episode of Full House... which you also own every season of on Blu-Ray.

Full-time SWASPs are hard to find. In fact, the term is more for actions that for people. I like to tweet back and forth with a friend of mine whenever I feel like I'm doing something SWASPy and put the hashtag SWASP at the end. That's probably kinda #SWASP in and of itself. So what's the purpose of all this SWASP talk? I guess there's not really one. It's just that I didn't have to work today and I felt like blogging <--- #SWASP