Strengths and Weaknesses: Frankenstein

It's Halloween and who better to focus on today than one of history's most prolific monsters, Frankenstein? Let's take a look at some of the big guy's strengths and weaknesses.

FRANKENSTEIN

STRENGTHS

• Only Jewish monster besides Jedidiah the Friendly Ghost.
• Bolts on neck good for hanging earphones when not in use.
• Comprised of separate body parts... just like celebrities.
• Doesn't get angry when people mistake him for the Hulk,  Shrek, or the Phillie Phanatic.
• I think he mighta been the guy who just married and divorced Kim Kardashian. (Maybe this should go under weaknesses)
• Never has to dress up for Halloween.
• Doesn't have a mother, so no chance of developing an Oedipus complex.
• Colors inside the lines.

WEAKNESSES

• Lost out on lucrative cereal endorsement deal to Frankenberry.
• Scar on forehead really should have cleared up by now.
• No one cares his full name is Frankenstein Jones.
• Still uses MySpace.
• Doesn't understand why everyone at Fenway Park is always talking about him.
• Angry mob always following him with pitchforks, yet hardly any followers on Twitter.
• Complicated relationship with father, human race. 
• When at parties, refuses to do any dance besides the monster mash.
  
  
  And since it's Halloween, have a look at my pumpkins from the last 2 years. The one on the left is supposed to be Ke$ha. Supposed to be. I went with a far less ambitious approach this year by simply carving the Varsity V and then drawing delicious Varsity food around it.
  

Animals That Shouldn't Mate

It's kinda cool how different animal species can mate and have hybrid animal babies. Like lions and tigers can make ligers, zebras and ponies can make zonies, and Nickelodeon can make CatDog. But while some hybrids are okay, others just don't work:

Obviously there can be no Bulldog and Shih Tzu mixture... but we've all known that since 4th grade.

Penguins and Ibises are both birds. That would work, right? Think about it.

Penguin + Ibis = Penis

Anything + Rooster = not good.

(Giant Panda + Rooster = Giant Cock)

(Gila Monster + Rooster = Monster Cock)

(Dinosaur + Rooster = Thunder Cock)

Sperm whales are pretty much out of the question.

Definitely can't breed donkeys with anything.

What a terribly juvenile post this was... I apologize.

Odds and Ends

• Before the Civil Rights Movement, I bet there were a lot of mix-ups over colored pencils. How could you tell the difference between colored pencils (colorful pencils for whites) and colored pencils (regular pencils for blacks)? I bet this was one of the things that pushed Dr. King over edge.

• You know how in Fight Club they have that ongoing conversation about who they would wanna fight if they could pick anyone in the world? I'd pick Jay-Z. I don't have anything against him, but it'd probably be nice for him to have a nice round 100 problems for once. Actually, I do kinda hate Jay-Z.

• If Kirsten Dunst is struggling to tell you bad news, I think it's a good idea to tell her to Bring It On. The resulting laughter would help ease the tension.

• If a DJ does a Duran Duran double play on the radio, it's like Duran Duran Duran Duran... and if Karen O ever joined forces with the Flaming Lips it'd be the Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

• I have a bad habit of saying "you too" to the person at the drive-thru window, regardless of what they say...
  
  
  Sometimes it works: 
• Have a nice day
• Thank you
• Who sings Sunday Bloody Sunday?

        Sometimes it doesn't: 

• Enjoy your meal
• Need any ketchup?
• We're closed