Birthday Wishes

Friday is my birthday. This, dear reader, is obviously very important to you. Okay, it's not. But I find that if people know it's your birthday, they're a lot nicer, kinder, and more generous toward you... and that's never a bad thing. I can feel the good vibes already.
Anyway, I just wanted to share with you some of the birthday wishes that I'll be making as I blow out the candles on my cake this year in hopes that they'll come true. I know that supposedly wishes don't come true when you share them with others, but I wished for a dinosaur 12 straight birthdays without telling a soul and never got one, so maybe blogging your wishes is the way to go.

Wish #1: To be able to listen to the radio for five minutes without hearing Adele.

I don't dislike Adele. I'm fine with her and her music, but I've heard "Rolling in the Deep" 374 times... today. Adele, I appreciate the fact that there's a fire starting in your heart and all, but I'd kinda like to listen to some music from someone with a last name for a change.

Wish #2: That a Taco Bell would open up nearby.

Good for the heart... attack

The closest Taco Bell to my house is over 30 miles away. That's straight up un-American. Sure, having not eaten Taco Bell in the last six months has probably added 10 years to my life, but sometimes you just need a 99 cent chicken burrito.

Wish #3: Katy Perry

Russell Brand? C'mon. You can do better than that. I'm funny, I can do a British accent, AND I wash my hair. What exactly do I want with Katy Perry? All that free Proactiv... duh.

Wish #4: For just one, ONE of my teams to win a title.

No need to wrap, there's already a bow

No team I cheer for has won a major title since 1995. That's 16 years. My fan title drought now has a driver's license.

Wish #5: Share

If you like the blog... and let's face it, if you've read this far down, you probably do a little bit... then share it with your friends. Heck, share it with your enemies. Follow the blog, like the facebook page, tweet it, re-tweet it, re-tweet that, #overkill. All that good stuff. It's my birthday, you kinda have to. Thanks to everyone who does keep up with the terribly-titled TKAA... I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I do writing it.

And the Winner Is... Everyone: Part 4

The Oscar for Best Actor is Slim Shady's to lose

Everybody likes movies, but not everybody likes the same kind of movie. Some folks enjoy critically acclaimed films while others prefer a special effects driven flick. Sadly, it seems like Hollywood rarely puts out a movie that satisfies both crowds. That's why we here at The Kids Are Aight are working hard to petition Hollywood for the following remakes and mash-ups that will help bring the two crowds together.

Super 8 Mile: JJ Abrams directs Eminem in this heartwarming tale of a young man who engulfs himself in the world of underground rap after losing his mother. Though his dad will never understand his thuggish way of life, Eminem's character rap battles his way to the top, proving his worth to his dad, his friends, and most of all... himself. Also, there's an alien.

Puss in Das Boots: Basically, the cat from Shrek is on a WWII-era German submarine and... well, it doesn't really matter. It's animated, it's in 3D, it's got the Shrek name attached to it... it'll make bank.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the Help: Scott Pilgrim's life is all peaches and gravy until he meets the girl of his dreams and discovers that in order to be with her, he has to defeat her seven evil ex-maids. This film is extremely racist and should not be viewed by anyone.

Jurassic Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut: Hold on to you #@$%*@%*&(#@(^%(*@#@^*(*-ing butts.

Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Shrek, But Were Too Afraid To Ask: Woody Allen directs the 5th film in the Shrek franchise for some unknown reason.

One Fine Day

Deadly is the foot that wears the crown

A few weeks ago, the young lady above, Brianna Amat, did something I thought was pretty incredible. Both a kicker for her high school football team and a member of the Homecoming Court, Brianna managed to win Homecoming Queen at halftime, then proceed to kick a game-winning field goal a short while later.

I've never been able to do either of those things... much less in the same night.

Brianna's accomplishment got me thinking about some of the great "in the same day" accomplishments I've read about.

Thomas Jefferson - July 4, 1776

1. Wrote the Declaration of Independence.

2. Finally conquered lifelong fear of writing a Declaration of Independence.

Papa John - October 2, 1984 

1. First thought of ubiquitous slogan, "Better Ingredients. Better Pizza. Papa John's."

2. Stole the CEO of Pizza Hut's girlfriend by telling her, "Better Personality. Better Hair. Papa John."

Some high school student somewhere - April 14, 2009

1. Used the correct spelling of "you're" in a sentence.

2. Used a semicolon properly in a sentence.

(Just kidding. This has never happened.)

Rosa Parks - December 1, 1955

1. Defied racial inequality by refusing to sit in the back of a bus.

2. Found a dollar under her seat at the front of said bus.

Tiger Woods - April 10, 2005

1. Won the Masters for the 4th time.

2. Didn't cheat on his wife that day.

Jimmy Carter - October 11, 2002

1. Won Nobel Peace Prize

2. Won a free large french fry playing the Monopoly game at McDonalds.

David Hammock - May 13, 2004

1. Caught a home run ball bare-handed at the Braves game.

2. Totally didn't let on that said baseball destroyed my hand and hurt for like 10 hours.