Music Video Monday: May 14

This week's installment examines the douchiness of Maroon 5 and explores the joys of summertime in New Zealand:


Maroon 5 - Payphone


Payphones still exist? Hmm. Well, that still doesn't explain why Adam Levine doesn't use his cell phone. We could argue all day that it's broken or the battery's dead, but I'm not buying it. Levine seems like the kind of guy who has a spare just in case something happens to the first one and he needs to send an emergency tweet or call his tattoo artist to touch-up that gnarly tiger tat on his bicep. Yes, I'm implying that Adam Levine is kind of a douche. This assessment is due in part to his haircut, but mostly because he was mean to a friend of mine whose band once opened for Maroon 5. Apparently Levine used some vulgar language when my friend complemented his song writing, but I secretly think the lash out was a direct result of my friend's insistence that Burgundy 5 is a more fitting name for a rock/pop band.


The Naked and Famous - Young Blood


Since we're on the brink of Summer 2012, I thought I'd offer up one of my favorite songs from Summer 2011. It's an indisputable fact that summertime is the best time of the year and this Young Blood video really captures the carefree spirit of the season. Good to see that running, jumping, and smashing things is a tenet of summer even in the band's native New Zealand. I feel bad for the Kiwis though -- summer in the US means winter down there. Perhaps the Naked and Famous can create an equally good winter song for their countrymen to enjoy. Lord knows they need it -- it's gotta be torture being that close to Australia without having any marsupials of your own to enjoy.

FoW MTR: May 11

This week's Movie Trailer Rundown features a gang of aging action stars, some cringe-worthy manscaping, a shaggy Ben Affleck, and a murderous Matthew McConaughey. Let's get it started with...

The Expendables 2

 

Hammock: I can appreciate the premise. I mean, who doesn't like an all-star team? The first Expendables movie capitalized on the idea, bringing together some of the most prominent action stars of the last few decades to "shoot first, ask questions never" as a team.Expendables 2 promises more of the same, this time adding cult hero Chuck Norris to the mix. Seems like a natural step. So, why won't I be seeing this movie? Because I don't like action movies. More specifically, I don't enjoy movies that don't have a good story... unless they can really make me laugh. For those who of you who do love action movies, I'm sure this is right up your alley, but my alley is elsewhere. My alley is a place where heroes aren't impenetrable to bullets... or subtlety.

Rabbitt: Sly Stallone, Bruce Willis, Jason Statham, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Chuck Norris, Jet Li... This is like The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel for action stars. I was completely unaware that Expendables 1 existed until this very moment. So, that should give a pretty good indication this will be the last I speak of the sequel. When is it ever a good idea to gallivant into battle on zip lines? Are they fighting the American Gladiators? Stallone shoots down a chopper with a motorcycle. That's cool. I'm pretty sure I saw Willis down a chopper with a police car in Live Free or Die Hard. Kind of a toss up as to which one has the higher degree of difficulty. Willis had to drive his bike most of the way while he was being shot at before diving out of the car. Stallone had to keep his bike from tipping over on the way to the ramp. One thing is for certain: both motorcycle takedowns look like an easier task than sitting through this movie.

Mansome

 

Rabbitt: I miss Arrested Development. A lot. With Bateman and Arnett back on screen together, this seems like a sure thing from the outset. The list of story lines that could follow the opening clip that would turn me off from wanting to see this movie is a short list... but that list includes documentaries about male grooming tendencies. Sorry guys .I'll wait for theArrested Development reunion.

Hammock: I actually just finished watching Arrested Development in its entirety for like the tenth time and, like Stephan, my desire to see the new season is palpable. Imagine my excitement when I see two of the Bluth brothers in the same shot, then my disappointment when we find out this movie is about manscaping. COME ON! I actually kinda like Morgan Spurlock and I'm willing to bet there are parts of this movie I would enjoy, BUT I'm also pretty sure there will be parts that will make me queasy. Man parts. The risk simply outweighs the reward. Besides, I already know exactly what makes a man handsome... money. And mental math skills, of course.


Argo

 

Rabbitt: Ben Affleck may not always act in the greatest movies. To this day, a little part of me dies inside every time I think of Pearl Harbor. But, he very rarely leads us astray as a writer and/or director. His writing credits include Good Will Hunting, The Town, and Gone Baby Gone, the latter two of which he also directed. If you ever get the chance to watch The Town on Blu-ray, I highly recommend the special features and interviews with Ben, especially about the logistics of the shots at Fenway. It's really interesting stuff. Back to Argo, I think it looks really promising, despite Ben appearing as if he strolled on set straight from an occupy movement. If you want to sound like the wine/art aficionado in Midnight in Paris, make sure you check out the Wikipedia page for Argo of Greek Mythology before you attend the movie. Did you know the Argo was built by the shipwright Argus, and its crew, were specially protected by the goddess Hera. I challenge you to say that at the theater and not sound like a pretentious snob.

Hammock: It just might be a reverse reaction to the prevailing anti-Affleck sentiment over the last decade, but I've got a bit of a soft spot for Ben. Sure he's been in some crappy movies, but who hasn't? As Stephan points out, he's acted in some good ones too -- I'd add Dazed and Confused, the Jay and Silent Bob movies, and, what the heck, even Armageddon to Stephan's list. As for Argo, I majored in History, so I'm down for a movie about the Iranian Hostage Crisis. (I'm just slightly more down for a movie about man who fights crime dressed as a bat.) The talented cast leads me to believe that this movie will steer closer to Affleck's hits than his misses -- but even if it does bomb, he still gets to go home to Jennifer Garner at the end of the day. Do you like apples, Stephan?


Killer Joe

 

Hammock:  From Magic Mike to Killer Joe goes Matthew McConaughey. Before I get into Killer Joe, I'd like to point out that McConaughey is the single most difficult Hollywood last name to spell. Okay, there are some tough foreign-sounding ones that I can't even begin to try, but it seems like I should be able to get a handle on McConaughey. I can't. (Segue alert!) I also couldn't get a handle on this trailer for Killer Joe. Who are the good guys? Who are the bad guys? Isn't that girl a little too young for Matthew McConaughey? Wait, I seem to remember him mentioning something about that before... (start at the 1:05 mark).

Rabbitt: Instead of watching Killer Joe or Magic Mike, I'd rather watch Killa Mike. At least Killa Mike clarifies, "over 18 only cause baby I'm no perv." Take notes, McConaughey. Looks like you'll have to be at least 17 to get in to this one anyway as Killer Joe has an NC-17 rating as of the release of this trailer. I would normally say that I imagine they'll be cutting some scenes to try to get an R rating but I just read in EW that they will not be cutting any scenes and will release with the NC-17 rating. So, that shows what I know. One thing I do know is that I won't be seeing this one.




Neither David nor Stephan believe in taking their shirts off in public as much as Matthew “However you spell it.” But who does? Follow them on Twitter anyways @david_hammock and@itsrabbitt.

Pet Peeves

Everyone has those one or two things that get on their nerves... I have a few more than that. Here are some of my pet peeves:


1. It's either gonna be really good or really bad. 

Divorce Cab For Cutie = really okay new album

I hear this one all the time. Something along the lines of: "I can't believe Zooey Deschanel and Ben Gibbard got divorced. Omg, I wonder how that will affect the next Death Cab For Cutie album. It's either gonna be really good or really bad."


Or, you know, it could fall somewhere in between. Most things do. I think this cliche should be reserved for the rare occasions when it's actually true. Something like: "Whoa, did you hear that Hitler and Mother Teresa are having a baby together? Man, that kid is either gonna be really good or really bad." I would accept that.


2. When you hold the door open for someone and they don't say thank you or acknowledge you in any way.


It's a nice gesture—sparing a few seconds of your time to make life a little easier for your fellow man. Unfortunately, your fellow man doesn't see it that way. He walks silently through the entryway as if the portal opened by way of door magic. It's not that I want to slam the door in his face; it's just that—well— yeah, I kinda do. Of course, a drastic move like this is either a really good idea or a really bad one.


3. When you need to get someone's attention discreetly so you whisper their name, but they answer you in their normal voice—or louder—thus ruining your attempt at discretion.


It goes something like this:


You and your friend, Chad, are meeting up with Chad's girlfriend. When you get there, Chad's girlfriend has brought along her friend, whom you've met several times before. Embarrassingly, you can't remember her name. The four of you are now standing together and it's going to be awkward if it gets out that you don't remember her name. Luckily, the two girls are chatting fervently between themselves, so you have time to inconspicuously ask Chad the girl's name. You whisper, "psst, Chad" but much to your chagrin, Chad— who was only half-paying attention to the girls' conversation—responds to you in a completely audible voice: "WHAT?" Chad is your friend and it was obvious you were trying to be discreet, yet Chad has now blown your cover and the girls are staring at you and if you don't think quickly, you're going to look like an idiot—an idiot who still doesn't know the girl's name.


I can't tell you how many times something like this has happened to me. Be on the lookout for this phenomenon; it happens more often than you think.


4. I'm not a b*tch, I just speak the truth.


Anyone who has to point out that they're not a b*tch is probably a b*tch.


5. Attributing quotes to people who obviously didn't say them.

"To thine own self be true."

I see this all the time on Facebook or Twitter under a person's "favorite quotes" section: insightful, poetic quotes get attributed to ghetto rappers or mindless actors who clearly never said anything of the sort. Here's an example:


You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.  ~ Lil Wayne

Yeah, I'm sure the man who wants to 'pick the world up and drop it on your effing head' is the same man who's responsible for this darling sentiment. Makes perfect sense. Of course the offenders here are usually teenage girls, who—let's face it—are the source of most of my pet peeves.