FoW MTR: May 29

Gangster Squad



Rabbitt: I think I could like Gangster Squad. I won't sit here and say that I've seen everything Gosling has been in, but I haven't seen a  Gosling movie that I thought was terrible. This film is directed by Ruben Fleischer, who also directed Zombieland. The only other major film directing credit for Fleischer is 30 Minutes or Less, which I, along with most of America, did not see. It will be interesting to see his first go at a more serious film. More importantly, I'm interested to see how many Zombieland rules he can work into the script. Clearly, there will be ample opportunities for the double tap (rule #2). From the looks of things, Emma Stone (Zombieland alum) appears to be keeping up with her cardio (rule #1). Check. I'm not blown away by this one, but I think it could be solid. 


Hammock: Agreed all around. As I've said before, I always support movies comprised of actors and actresses who are paler than I am -- which means I'm obligated to see all Emma Stone (whose ear is in danger of having hair brushed over it) films. This, of course, is assuming she doesn't make a habit of going to the tanning bed. As for your assessment of Ryan Gosling movies, I'll take it one step further -- I think his movies, on average, are up there with the best the Hollywood A-list has to offer. I still can't believe Drive didn't get nominated for best picture.


The Campaign


Hammock: I have to admit, the wiener-licking goat line caught me off guard and made me LOL. What does that say about me as a person? I'm not sure. Bathroom humor is the second lowest form of comedy (ahead of Tyler Perry's Madea movies), but sometimes you can't help but laugh. I really don't know what to think of The Campaign. Will Ferrell and Zach Goljaiosiajasbvkas certainly have the ability to be funny, but sometimes silliness gets in the way. Of course, I love Step Brothers and it doesn't get much sillier than that. 

Side note: Looks like I finally won my five year can't-shave-your-beard battle with Zach Galifinakas. 

Another side note: Galifinakas is even harder to spell that McConaughey.

Rabbitt: You know what you are getting when you walk in the theater to see The Campaign. You will laugh, shake your head, cry -- maybe because you are laughing so hard... maybe because you paid $10 to see it. There will be no smoke or mirrors. One of the writers is from Eastbound and Down, which is pretty darn funny without many redeeming qualities. The director, Jay Roach, has directed a slew of comedies I didn't care for and one that I did -- Meet the Parents. He also directed the TV movie Game Change, a serious campaign movie for which Julianne Moore has received critical acclaim for her portrayal of Sarah Palin. I haven't seen it yet, but early reports indicate that they did not let him say wiener-licking goat in Game Change.

The Do-Deca-Pentathlon

Rabbitt: This seems like a decent idea for a TV episode, maybe even a two-episode season finale. But, I don't know how this movie can keep momentum going for a full length feature film. The Duplass brothers have come out with some good stuff recently with Jeff, Who Lives at Home and I've heard good things about Your Sister's Sister. I just don't see how this could possibly drag out for 90 minutes. The answer, obviously, is that there are 25 events including, but not limited to: racquetball, arm wrestling, ping pong, charity 5k, and everyone's favorite...the long jump.  In an unrelated story, I would be awesome at one of these. 

Hammock: Yeah, I'm definitely not sold either. The Duplass brothers have been pretty successful with the whole dry humor/mumblecore thing, but this seems extra dry and extra mumbly. Also, this may be the first (American) movie trailer we've done on MTR where I didn't recognize at least one actor in the preview. I guess I'm just not up to snuff on do-deca-pentathletes. Speaking of, how exactly does do-dec-pentathlon equal 25 events? Dodeca means 12 and penta means 5. Wouldn't that be like 60 events? Those guys must be in better shape than they look.

A Cat in Paris

 


Hammock: I'm a cat-person. No, not like a genetically engineered feline-human hybrid -- I just love cats. It's no surprise, then, that A Cat in Paris strikes my fancy (feast?). I would imagine this movie also appeals to cats and let's face it, the feline community could really use something to bring them together after last year's tragic kitten race war.

Rabbitt: We already know that Paris in the morning is beautiful. Paris in the afternoon is charming.  Paris in the evening is enchanting.  But, Paris after midnight... is magic. This looks like a fun one. Apparently, David and I aren't the only ones who think so.  This is an Oscar-nominated film from 2012, losing out to Rango in the Best Animated Feature Film Category. I think the main takeaway here is that I need to visit Paris...but only if it is the one that is portrayed in the movies and Kanye/Jay-Z songs.

David and Stephan aren't really into do-deca-pentathlons, but are always up for some 2 on 2 hoops. Follow them on Twitter @david_hammock and @itsrabbitt or catch them on the AND1 Mixtape tour... in the stands.

FoW MTR: May 11

This week's Movie Trailer Rundown features a gang of aging action stars, some cringe-worthy manscaping, a shaggy Ben Affleck, and a murderous Matthew McConaughey. Let's get it started with...

The Expendables 2

 

Hammock: I can appreciate the premise. I mean, who doesn't like an all-star team? The first Expendables movie capitalized on the idea, bringing together some of the most prominent action stars of the last few decades to "shoot first, ask questions never" as a team.Expendables 2 promises more of the same, this time adding cult hero Chuck Norris to the mix. Seems like a natural step. So, why won't I be seeing this movie? Because I don't like action movies. More specifically, I don't enjoy movies that don't have a good story... unless they can really make me laugh. For those who of you who do love action movies, I'm sure this is right up your alley, but my alley is elsewhere. My alley is a place where heroes aren't impenetrable to bullets... or subtlety.

Rabbitt: Sly Stallone, Bruce Willis, Jason Statham, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Chuck Norris, Jet Li... This is like The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel for action stars. I was completely unaware that Expendables 1 existed until this very moment. So, that should give a pretty good indication this will be the last I speak of the sequel. When is it ever a good idea to gallivant into battle on zip lines? Are they fighting the American Gladiators? Stallone shoots down a chopper with a motorcycle. That's cool. I'm pretty sure I saw Willis down a chopper with a police car in Live Free or Die Hard. Kind of a toss up as to which one has the higher degree of difficulty. Willis had to drive his bike most of the way while he was being shot at before diving out of the car. Stallone had to keep his bike from tipping over on the way to the ramp. One thing is for certain: both motorcycle takedowns look like an easier task than sitting through this movie.

Mansome

 

Rabbitt: I miss Arrested Development. A lot. With Bateman and Arnett back on screen together, this seems like a sure thing from the outset. The list of story lines that could follow the opening clip that would turn me off from wanting to see this movie is a short list... but that list includes documentaries about male grooming tendencies. Sorry guys .I'll wait for theArrested Development reunion.

Hammock: I actually just finished watching Arrested Development in its entirety for like the tenth time and, like Stephan, my desire to see the new season is palpable. Imagine my excitement when I see two of the Bluth brothers in the same shot, then my disappointment when we find out this movie is about manscaping. COME ON! I actually kinda like Morgan Spurlock and I'm willing to bet there are parts of this movie I would enjoy, BUT I'm also pretty sure there will be parts that will make me queasy. Man parts. The risk simply outweighs the reward. Besides, I already know exactly what makes a man handsome... money. And mental math skills, of course.


Argo

 

Rabbitt: Ben Affleck may not always act in the greatest movies. To this day, a little part of me dies inside every time I think of Pearl Harbor. But, he very rarely leads us astray as a writer and/or director. His writing credits include Good Will Hunting, The Town, and Gone Baby Gone, the latter two of which he also directed. If you ever get the chance to watch The Town on Blu-ray, I highly recommend the special features and interviews with Ben, especially about the logistics of the shots at Fenway. It's really interesting stuff. Back to Argo, I think it looks really promising, despite Ben appearing as if he strolled on set straight from an occupy movement. If you want to sound like the wine/art aficionado in Midnight in Paris, make sure you check out the Wikipedia page for Argo of Greek Mythology before you attend the movie. Did you know the Argo was built by the shipwright Argus, and its crew, were specially protected by the goddess Hera. I challenge you to say that at the theater and not sound like a pretentious snob.

Hammock: It just might be a reverse reaction to the prevailing anti-Affleck sentiment over the last decade, but I've got a bit of a soft spot for Ben. Sure he's been in some crappy movies, but who hasn't? As Stephan points out, he's acted in some good ones too -- I'd add Dazed and Confused, the Jay and Silent Bob movies, and, what the heck, even Armageddon to Stephan's list. As for Argo, I majored in History, so I'm down for a movie about the Iranian Hostage Crisis. (I'm just slightly more down for a movie about man who fights crime dressed as a bat.) The talented cast leads me to believe that this movie will steer closer to Affleck's hits than his misses -- but even if it does bomb, he still gets to go home to Jennifer Garner at the end of the day. Do you like apples, Stephan?


Killer Joe

 

Hammock:  From Magic Mike to Killer Joe goes Matthew McConaughey. Before I get into Killer Joe, I'd like to point out that McConaughey is the single most difficult Hollywood last name to spell. Okay, there are some tough foreign-sounding ones that I can't even begin to try, but it seems like I should be able to get a handle on McConaughey. I can't. (Segue alert!) I also couldn't get a handle on this trailer for Killer Joe. Who are the good guys? Who are the bad guys? Isn't that girl a little too young for Matthew McConaughey? Wait, I seem to remember him mentioning something about that before... (start at the 1:05 mark).

Rabbitt: Instead of watching Killer Joe or Magic Mike, I'd rather watch Killa Mike. At least Killa Mike clarifies, "over 18 only cause baby I'm no perv." Take notes, McConaughey. Looks like you'll have to be at least 17 to get in to this one anyway as Killer Joe has an NC-17 rating as of the release of this trailer. I would normally say that I imagine they'll be cutting some scenes to try to get an R rating but I just read in EW that they will not be cutting any scenes and will release with the NC-17 rating. So, that shows what I know. One thing I do know is that I won't be seeing this one.




Neither David nor Stephan believe in taking their shirts off in public as much as Matthew “However you spell it.” But who does? Follow them on Twitter anyways @david_hammock and@itsrabbitt.

FoW MTR: May 4

By David Hammock, Stephan Rabbitt, & T.S. Oldman

Hick Movie

  

Hammock: I love Chloe Moretz. I think she's a great young actress and Hit-Girl is a personal hero of mine. However, this trailer made me cringe. Sure, the cringe was partly brought on by Blake Lively's horrific accent, but mostly it was due to Moretz's portrayal of an unabashed Lolita. What is she, 14? She's been playing foul-mouthed and precocious for a few years now, but none of her other roles were disturbing like this. Even worse, look closely at the credits and you'll notice that her parents are co-producers of the film. This make the Moretzes the first set of parents in the world to think, "Our little girl isn't growing up fast enough."

Rabbitt: Acting wise: Chloe never disappoints. From 500 Days of Summer to Kick-Ass to Hugo, kid is nothing but talented. She has made a mockery of the achievements of my first fifteen years of life and shows no signs of letting me gain ground anytime soon. Although, I checked her wiki and there was no mention of Math Olympic champion so we may have that on her, David. I'm with you all the way on this one. I'm sure she will be just as great as she always is... but that was just uncomfortable to watch. Maybe not Womb-uncomfortable. But uncomfortable, nonetheless. Nice catch on the co-producers, by the way. Additional freeze-framing indicates that she may want to do a slightly more thorough pros and cons list prior to embarking on such adventures.

Piranha 3DD

 

Rabbitt: Katrina Bowden, my love. You have to read the script before signing on to do these things. So, the piranhas are in the water park? No big deal, go to American Adventures instead. The piranhas are in the pond? Okay, get out of the pond. The piranhas are in the bathtub? Not cool. The piranhas are in 3DD?! Who wants to pay $10 to sit in a theater and have giant, mutant piranhas flying at them in 3DD? I'm not feeling great about the outcome of this one. It appears the only defenses are Ving Rhames' leg and Gary Busey's appetite. But don’t worry though; the lifeguards are lifeguard-certified strippers. Anyone up for a lap pool dance?

Hammock: I'm not 100% sure Katrina Bowden can read, Stephan. This theory stems from this photograph of her sporting the foam finger of a university with a propensity for illiteracy. While you ponder what's wrong with me for focusing on the foam finger in that picture, I'll ponder why anyone would want to see this motion picture. Maybe it's because some moviegoers possess an ability that I do not: the ability to ignore stupidity and just enjoy the aesthetics. The picture of Miss Bowden is proof that this is not always a bad thing.

The Dark Knight Rises

 

Hammock: Here it is. The release of the highly anticipated third and final film in Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy is finally near. The third trailer is pretty fun to watch as we get a good look at some of the new characters and gadgets, but I can't help but wonder if The Dark Knight Rises will live up to the hype. The Dark Knight (the second Batman film) is the rare sequel that surpasses its predecessor and I don't think I'm being pessimistic to think that it probably won't happen again. While I don't think we have a Spider-Man scenario on our hands, where the first two movies were great and the last one was pretty bad, I'm worried The Dark Knight Rises is doomed to disappoint a little due to impossibly high standards. Of course, this didn't stop The Return of the King. While I'm excited for the film, I'll try to temper my expectations, though I don't see how it can be less-than-great with Nolan at the helm.

Rabbitt: The epic conclusion. This trailer feels epic, doesn't it? I should take a page out of David's book and not get my hopes up too high for this one, but I can't. I'm so excited that I just can't hide it. Jessie Spano, anyone? Poor Jessie. Anyway, on top of Batman's new toys, we get an extended look at our main newcomers Anne Hathaway and JGL. On the bright side, JGL looks decidedly less shiny than when we last saw him in the trailer for Looper, as David pointed out. However, it looks like Batman and Gotham are in heaps of trouble. Planes are being hijacked, dangerous criminals are on the loose, bridges are crumbling and, most importantly, no one in this wretched excuse for a football league seems to be able to tackle Hines Ward. Is this city even worth defending if that is the best football they have to offer? Maybe Batman should relocate to the south.

This Is 40

  

Rabbitt: TS: Sorry Stephan, I’m jumping in on this one. You’re too nice of a guy (unless Channing Tatum is involved) and I can’t sit idly by while no one at FoW pours out enough vitriol on this trailer. I’m not joking when I say this is the most depressing trailer I've ever seen. The Schindler’s List trailer is more hopeful. The painstakingly obvious attempt at irony  by using “We Are Young” by fun., only makes me angry (I hate fun.). Were people clamoring for this? Did people really want to watch another two hours of the most depressing married couple ever captured on film? Seriously, Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann were detestable inKnocked Up.  Combined with What to Expect When You’re Expecting, This is 40 has pretty much let me know that life ends at the big 4-0. Maybe instead of wasting their time drafting anti “gay marriage” legislation, legislators should just make watching this movie mandatory and no one will ever want to get married to anyone, ever.

Hammock: Didn't Judd Apatow already show us what happens when you turn 40? You lose your virginity, right? Guess this is a different 40. So this is a "sort of" sequel to Knocked Up, which I thought was pretty good, but it centers around Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann instead of Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigl. As T.S. will gladly tell you, these aren't necessarily the most likable characters in the Apatow universe, so I'm not sure I want to go down this road. Maybe we can check in with Steve Carell, the now 50-year-old virgin, instead? I'm hoping the two little girls aren't too old to still be cute, because they were one of my favorite parts of the last movie. Ultimately, I'm torn on this one; I generally like Apatow films, but I can only take so much genitalia in a two-hour period. See Stephan, I told you I'd be the first one to mention genitalia on the MTR!


David Hammock and Stephan Rabbitt have applied to help tutor Katrina Bowden in spelling and arithmetic. TS Oldman is still thirteen long years away from the end of life as Judd Apatow portrays it. You can follow them on Twitter @david_hammock, @itsrabbitt, & @TSOldman.

FoW MTR: April 27

By David Hammock and Thomas Hokum


Cosmopolis

 

Hammock: Press pause at the one second mark. Could it be? Are those tiny leaves? R-Patz is in a movie that boasts the vaunted Cannes logo! Sure, Cosmopolis is merely a selection (think participation ribbon at a science fair), but this is a big step forward for Mr. Cullen, who has yet to appear in a well-received film in which he was not portraying a Hufflepuff. Sadly, I'm not sure this is the movie that will break that trend... I can't imagine the Cannes jury being très impressed with Jay Baruchel. And what's with the bragging about being the "first film about our new millenium"? What about Wall-E? Nevertheless, I'm rooting for Robert Pattinson to finally earn some long-awaited acting cred. After all, I did name my favorite office appliance after him.

Hokum: When that kid from Twilight is the first thing I see, I want to turn it off. But then I see the mercenary dude from Lost (Oh Keamy, you loved to shoot people) and figure things might be okay. So if I had to guess at the plot I would assume Mr. Vampire (who I’m assuming is still a vampire in this movie because he is never in the sunlight or eating garlic, but still seducing annoying women) rides around in his limo from the future, tricking women to get in with the shiny blue lights and display screens that make me think of the Starship Enterprise. Meanwhile, he avoids attacks from the rat-worshipping citizens of the future “cosmopolis,” which has to be the dumbest word I’ve ever heard. Almost as dumb as worshiping rats. Did I mention the rats? They seem to be important, but mostly I think everyone is Cosmopolis is on drugs. Or they are possessed by the dark rodent god Cheez Wiz? At the 50 second mark, a screen appears informing me that the movie is based on a book, which I guess is supposed to reassure me that somebody actually liked it enough to put words to it, but then I notice it’s by Don DeLillo and therefore probably didn’t make the NYT Bestseller List. All seems lost until 1:46 when we see Robert Pattinson appear to take a gun and blow a hole in his hand, which yeah, maybe I’d pay to see... so long as they’re silver bullets.

Lawless

 

Hammock: I've been familiar with this movie for a while now because a good chunk of it was filmed in Newnan, GA, where I lived at the time. I believe it was called The Wettest County in the World back then and it was hard to ignore because everyone was always running into Shia LaBeouf around town. I didn't care too much, as Shia obviously peaked on Even Stevens, but had I known that running into Jessica Chastain was a possibility, I may have ventured out more... as if there's actually anything to do in Newnan. Lawless boasts an impressive cast, but I'm not all that intrigued by its premise. Prohibition is so 90 years ago. Get with the program like Cosmopolis and make a movie about our new millenium... you know, without the giant rats.

Hokum: Being a huge fan of gangster movies, there’s only so much mud I can sling on this one. I will say that for the first 30 seconds I was waiting for Shia’s circa-1940’s Ford to turn into a giant robot and start squashing policemen. Actually, thinking about how much I enjoyed Cowboys Vs. Aliens, it might not have been a bad idea. As Hammock said, the cast is impressive and any time a Tommy Gun is fired on screen you can pretty much count on my $7 $10 $12.

Hotel Transylvania

 

Hammock: Animated films always cast a plethora of stars to do the voices, but one name stood out to me when looking at the lineup for Hotel Transylvania: Genndy Tartakovsky. "Who's that?" you might ask. Why, Genndy Tartakovsky is the creator/director/writer of childhood favorites Dexter's Laboratory, The Powerpuff Girls, and Samurai Jack, and is directing this movie. Now I don't know how well his talents will transfer to the big screen, but with a cartoon resume like that, I'm willing to give Hotel Transylvania a chance... even if it does have Adam Sandler in it.

Hokum: Well, Hammock threatens to throw us off topic as I now have to gush le emotional about the awesomeness of Dexter's Laboratory while pondering why Tartakovsky (whose name I wasn't aware of, but must be awesome) has not made more cartoons for me to eye-devour. As far as the trailer, I really like the art direction - it almost looks cell shaded - especially at the beginning where they play with light sources. I'm not going to lie, I was a a big fan of Scooby Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf (the old cartoon movie about Scooby and Shaggy racing in Dracula's "Monster Road Rally") growing up and seeing all the old Hollywood monsters brings back some nostalgia. However, as soon as Dracula opens his mouth and the Waterboy's voice comes out, the whole thing is ruined. I look forward to falling asleep while I watch it on DVD Netflix.

Ruby Sparks

 

Hammock: I can't decide whether Ruby Sparks sounds more like the name of a porn star or an energy drink. Either way, I like the premise. It has a little bit of the Stranger Than Fiction thing going on where author meets character in real life, but this one takes the idea a step further as the author, Paul Dano, invents and encounters the girl of his dreams. I like Paul Dano. I think it's because he's a certifiably unattractive fellow who's managed to do well in a certifiably shallow town like Hollywood. Speaking of shallow, Ruby begs the question: if you could pen your dream girl/guy into existence, what sorts of things would you be jotting down? I know I speak for Stephan (who's MIA this week) when I say two of the first words that come to my mind are mental and math. Also, Bar and Refaeli.

Hokum: I second Hammock on both liking the premise and getting Stranger Than Fiction deja vu. However, where Fiction was a self-propelled Will Ferrell comedy, I get the feeling that Ruby Sparks might try to get its feet wet in the deep end of the drama pool. Honestly, the premise seems so obvious - writer falls in love with his creation - that I'm surprised I haven't seen some iteration of it before. I had no idea this movie was even in the works, but now I'm definitely planning on seeing it. Plus, it's got the geeky kid from The Girl Next Door. Oh, and Hammock, I assume the title refers to what happens when these lovely two gingers get down. ~Hokum out.

FoW MTR: April 20

By David Hammock, Stephan Rabbitt, and Laurie Skelton

Looper

 

Hammock: I've liked Joseph Gordon-Levitt ever since he arm-flapped his way into our nation's hearts as Roger from Angels in the Outfield. With roles in 10 Things I Hate About You, 500 Days of Summer, and 50/50, JGL has shown that not only does he like acting in movies with numbers in them, but that he usually makes pretty good flicks. Therefore, it's rare that I have anything negative to say about JGL, but I just can't overlook how weird he looks in this trailer. As T.S. pointed out when he sent us this video, he looks almost plastic. I'm hoping this Mattel look is the make-up artist's attempt to make him look more like Bruce Willis and not something serious like plastic surgery gone wrong or, more likely, an overactive handsome gland. Back to the movie... Looper seems to have a fairly interesting concept, but I'm not dying to see it. I guess you could say I could take it or Joseph Gordon-Leave It.

Rabbitt: Interesting concept is right. Loopers kill people from the future in the past, leaving no evidence of the killing taking place in the future. Loopers execute masked and bound targets from short range. So why does future JGL come back to visit past JGL with no mask and strapped like he just got out of Charlize Theron's Mini? Did they send future JGL to kill past JGL? Rude. I thought Paul Dano and Emily Blunt would be bringing the sunshine, per usual, but Emily got in on the shotgun action too. A slight change up from Salmon Fishing in the Yemen... I hope, for the salmon's sake.

The Lucky One

 

Rabbitt: Ugh. Really. This looks terrible and unfortunately, it is probably going to unseat The Hunger Games and win this weekend's box office because nothing else worthwhile is coming out. For having never seen Zac Efron act before, I really seem to not like him one bit. That is probably unfair. If someone were to just read me the story without seeing the trailer, I don't think I would write it off so quickly. But, something about this trailer really bothers me. And his name is Zac Efron.

Hammock: I actually find Zac Efron oddly charming. Is it the boyish grin or the way he nonchalantly leaves the "k" off the end of his first name or because he had a brief cameo in one of the greatest shows ever made (Firefly)? I don't know. Maybe it's because he's always pictured with Vanessa Hudgens and he benefits from all the positive feelings she generates inside me. Doesn't matter. What does matter is that you're right, Stephan... this movie is going to suck big time. The people who can make it through life without seeing this sap fest are the lucky ones.

Magic Mike

 

Hammock: Maybe I shouldn't have issued that apology to Channing last week after all. Magic Mike is supposedly a romantic comedy that faintly resembles Channing Tatum's real life foray into the world of p̶o̶o̶r̶ ̶a̶c̶t̶i̶n̶g̶  male stripping. While I'm totally dying to know all about Channing's personal life, I can't help but think that this is the last movie I would ever want to see (except for maybe Drive Angry 2: Drive Angrier). It's not that I expect it to be horrible (Soderbergh's directing after all), it's just that I can't think of one thing that this film could possibly offer me. I mean, besides body image issues. Even if it's well-acted, well-directed and well-(stripped?), how am I going to enjoy this movie? Just because my last name is Hammock doesn't mean I delight in viewing banana hammocks on the big screen. And if you're thinking that I'm just not secure enough in my own masculinity to go see a movie like this, keep in mind, I own a unicorn pillow pet. Alas, I guess some movies just aren't for me... I'm sure Magic Mike will make plenty of money without my ten bucks.

Note: Good news, Mr. Tatum. Magic Mike could turn be out to be abysmal and still outshine the rest of the stripper movie genre. Striptease and Showgirls both received the not-so-coveted Razzie Award for worst picture... no amount of Mike's magic can make them disappear

Rabbitt: It would be hard to pick a Razzie Worst Picture frontrunner for 2012 at this point. You already have Lockout and soon-to-be released Battleship surely in the running,and we’ll have another installment of both GI Joe and Razzie favorite Twilight before year-end. It’s likely shaping up to be quite the list at the Razzie Worst Picture Showcase, where they pay you $10 to sit through the year’s 10 worst movies. That $10 can replace the $10 you threw away making it rain in the theater on Magic Mike opening night. The WPS doesn’t actually exist, by the way; you know, it’s like 5 divided by 0. Are there Razzie awards for math jokes?

Anyway, Magic Mike: a romantic comedy centered around a pair of male-strippers. Talk about an untapped market. I’m with David in that this movie probably isn’t going to be as bad as I would like it to be. I’ll just have to rely on movie critic reviews to form my opinion as there is a 100% chance that I’ll never see for myself. I am, however, somewhat interested to see how it performs at the box office. I have to figure that a rom com with some topless McConaughey action will bring in more than a few ladies. Then, you throw in Tatum, Alex Pettyfer (I am Number Four) and Matt Bomer (White Collar). Now I’m beginning to see why I didn’t get this casting call... because I’m studying for the CPA exam, obviously.

Editor's Note: Beacsue Magic Mike is a romantic comedy about male strippers involving Mr.'s Tatum and McConaughey we would be remiss if we didn't ask the opinion of an FoW certified female. So, we asked our resident cartoonist and Ireland aficionado Laurie Skelton to weigh in. Laurie... bring us home.

Laurie: A Certified Female Response to Magic Mike, eh? Well, first off, I have to weigh in with Stephan on the fact that Magic Mike's major failing looks to be that it's not going to be bad enough to merit a ten-dollar trip to the Friday night cinema. And this, friends, is truly a travesty. There is nothing more depressing than a terrible concept for a movie heavily reliant on sexy body shots and wet t-shirts that takes itself waaay too seriously (Transformers IIanyone?).  

Oh, and he "makes" furniture by throwing pre-cut slabs of glass on what looks to be... um... an air conditioning vent? Mikey, honey, any self-respecting DIY blogger could do that with twenty dollars and a few trips to the local Home Depot/thrift store. I mean, I'm not saying you're not talented, I'm just saying that at least in Flashdance the chick got to use a blow torch. 

Again, this movie is on the line--not bad enough to be good and certainly not good enough to be good. If there was the slightest hint of "oh wow aren't we ridiculous" self-deprecation in this movie trailer, I really think we'd have a winner (loser?) on our hands.  Sadly... eh. I remain unmoved. What can I say?  Cowboys aren't my thing. (Maybe that's why I'm moving to Ireland...?)

Although, now that I think about it, if they let me pay the ticket booth cashier by "makin' it rain." I'll be much more likely to attend. They should really turn that into a promotional event.

FoW MTR: April 13

By David Hammock and Stephan Rabbitt

Lola Versus

  


Hammock: With The Cults and Young the Giant playing in the background and a title borrowed from a Kinks album, it looks like Lola Versus will at least boast a solid soundtrack. The movie itself... eh, I dunno. I do like Greta Gerwig and I guess it could be one of those touching coming-to-terms-with-being-

single-and-turning-30 kind of movies, but I feel a little burnt out on coming-to-terms-with-being-single-and-turning-30 movies. I'll be willing to give it a shot, but since I'm a man, I'll also be on the lookout for something better. 

Rabbitt: I frequently comment to my office roomie that I should be able to look out the window of my office building and, at any given moment, see a lady stumbling in her heels. It just seems like they are teetering on the edge of disaster with every step. It's not like all pedestrian traffic takes place on flat surfaces. You have sidewalks in need of repair, subway grates, manhole covers, decorative tile patterns, "Zach + Kelly 4ever" engravings, etc. I don't see how there aren't more embarrassing tumbles like Ms. Gerwig experienced at the end of this trailer happening all over the place. Oh, the movie looks okay, too.

Ted 

  

Rabbitt: The voice sounds just a little too much like Peter Griffin for me to not think of Peter Griffin when the bear talks. If given the option to either watch the movie or be on set when they filmed the Walberg v. Bear fight scene, I'd choose the fight scene 100% of the time. That had to be hilarious to watch. The actual movie? Maybe not so much.

Hammock: Ted. Like short for Teddy Bear. I get it! It only gets better from there as evidenced by the scene where the cute little bear humps the checkout scanner. Ugh. I'm sure this movie will be moderately funny, but I feel like I've seen the whole cute, fuzzy, foul-mouthed shtick before. Ted's voice does sound a little too much like Peter Griffin's, Stephan, and since I'm not the world's biggest Family Guy fan, that's not the best thing. Like Family Guy, Ted will probably be full of hits and misses, at least in my eyes, leaving me wanting a movie from the creators of superior comedic cartoons like Futurama or the eternally underrated Home Movies.

Katy Perry Part of Me in 3D
 

Hammock: It's no secret which "part of her" has made Katy Perry famous. I was also gonna make a joke about the movie being shot in 3DD, but I was beaten to the punch by the geniuses behind the Piranha sequel. Anyway, at the risk of losing all my indie cred, I kinda like Katy Perry... and it's not entirely in an ironic/hipster way. "Teenage Dream" was one of my favorite songs of 2010 and while she has some stinkers, Katy makes more than one appearance on my iPod. That's a little embarrassing to admit, but at least I didn't divulge that I know that her cat is named Kitty Purry and  that her real name is Katy Hudson, but she changed it so as not to be confused with Kate Hudson the actress. Okay, so I like Katy Perry... I'm still never gonna see this movie.

Rabbitt: David, there is no shame in admitting to some KP on the iPod. Girl sings some catchy tunes. This movie was originally intended to be in 2-D until the divorce. Now, it's a giant three dimensional slap in the face to what Russell Brand is missing. Don't feel too bad for yourself though, Russell. There's another man having a worse week than you. He had his own teenage dream when he kissed a girl and he liked it. That's right. I'm looking at you,Bobby Petrino. Did you think you knew a place where the grass was really greener? Well, you DO have to feel like a waste of space, cuz baby you're uh... fired. That's what you get for waking up in Vegas a ditch with a girl half your age that isn't your wife. 

Savages
 

Rabbitt: One last chance for Taylor Kitsch to salvage 2012. I'm pulling for him, but I'm not hopeful. Savages comes out the same week as the Spiderman reboot and Dark Knight Risesfollows two weeks later. There aren't many soft spots in the 2012 movie lineup for something like this to grab much of a foothold. It doesn't look like a movie I would see in theaters to begin with even just to support Kitsch and Demian Bichir, fresh of his Oscar nomination for A Better Life, but always Esteban Reyes to me. At least it looks better than Battleship. 

Hammock: Wait. Are Tim Riggins and Kick-Ass cool with sharing Serena van der Woodsen? Looks that way. I bet Blair is totally having a jealousy-induced BF right about now. This trailer made my head hurt. Lots of flashing images and loud noises and movie stars. Doesn't Oliver Stone know I have a headache? Savage! I'm not too interested in this one as I am not very much into drugs or murder... at least not at the moment.

I'd like to take a moment now to apologize to MTR punching bag, Channing Tatum. I saw 21 Jump Street and you were actually pretty funny in it, Channing. There's your niche... teen comedy. I'll understand if you don't forgive me after all the mean things I've said about you in our weekly rundowns, because honestly, I'll probably never forgive you for Dear John.