FoW MTR: April 13

By David Hammock and Stephan Rabbitt

Lola Versus

  


Hammock: With The Cults and Young the Giant playing in the background and a title borrowed from a Kinks album, it looks like Lola Versus will at least boast a solid soundtrack. The movie itself... eh, I dunno. I do like Greta Gerwig and I guess it could be one of those touching coming-to-terms-with-being-

single-and-turning-30 kind of movies, but I feel a little burnt out on coming-to-terms-with-being-single-and-turning-30 movies. I'll be willing to give it a shot, but since I'm a man, I'll also be on the lookout for something better. 

Rabbitt: I frequently comment to my office roomie that I should be able to look out the window of my office building and, at any given moment, see a lady stumbling in her heels. It just seems like they are teetering on the edge of disaster with every step. It's not like all pedestrian traffic takes place on flat surfaces. You have sidewalks in need of repair, subway grates, manhole covers, decorative tile patterns, "Zach + Kelly 4ever" engravings, etc. I don't see how there aren't more embarrassing tumbles like Ms. Gerwig experienced at the end of this trailer happening all over the place. Oh, the movie looks okay, too.

Ted 

  

Rabbitt: The voice sounds just a little too much like Peter Griffin for me to not think of Peter Griffin when the bear talks. If given the option to either watch the movie or be on set when they filmed the Walberg v. Bear fight scene, I'd choose the fight scene 100% of the time. That had to be hilarious to watch. The actual movie? Maybe not so much.

Hammock: Ted. Like short for Teddy Bear. I get it! It only gets better from there as evidenced by the scene where the cute little bear humps the checkout scanner. Ugh. I'm sure this movie will be moderately funny, but I feel like I've seen the whole cute, fuzzy, foul-mouthed shtick before. Ted's voice does sound a little too much like Peter Griffin's, Stephan, and since I'm not the world's biggest Family Guy fan, that's not the best thing. Like Family Guy, Ted will probably be full of hits and misses, at least in my eyes, leaving me wanting a movie from the creators of superior comedic cartoons like Futurama or the eternally underrated Home Movies.

Katy Perry Part of Me in 3D
 

Hammock: It's no secret which "part of her" has made Katy Perry famous. I was also gonna make a joke about the movie being shot in 3DD, but I was beaten to the punch by the geniuses behind the Piranha sequel. Anyway, at the risk of losing all my indie cred, I kinda like Katy Perry... and it's not entirely in an ironic/hipster way. "Teenage Dream" was one of my favorite songs of 2010 and while she has some stinkers, Katy makes more than one appearance on my iPod. That's a little embarrassing to admit, but at least I didn't divulge that I know that her cat is named Kitty Purry and  that her real name is Katy Hudson, but she changed it so as not to be confused with Kate Hudson the actress. Okay, so I like Katy Perry... I'm still never gonna see this movie.

Rabbitt: David, there is no shame in admitting to some KP on the iPod. Girl sings some catchy tunes. This movie was originally intended to be in 2-D until the divorce. Now, it's a giant three dimensional slap in the face to what Russell Brand is missing. Don't feel too bad for yourself though, Russell. There's another man having a worse week than you. He had his own teenage dream when he kissed a girl and he liked it. That's right. I'm looking at you,Bobby Petrino. Did you think you knew a place where the grass was really greener? Well, you DO have to feel like a waste of space, cuz baby you're uh... fired. That's what you get for waking up in Vegas a ditch with a girl half your age that isn't your wife. 

Savages
 

Rabbitt: One last chance for Taylor Kitsch to salvage 2012. I'm pulling for him, but I'm not hopeful. Savages comes out the same week as the Spiderman reboot and Dark Knight Risesfollows two weeks later. There aren't many soft spots in the 2012 movie lineup for something like this to grab much of a foothold. It doesn't look like a movie I would see in theaters to begin with even just to support Kitsch and Demian Bichir, fresh of his Oscar nomination for A Better Life, but always Esteban Reyes to me. At least it looks better than Battleship. 

Hammock: Wait. Are Tim Riggins and Kick-Ass cool with sharing Serena van der Woodsen? Looks that way. I bet Blair is totally having a jealousy-induced BF right about now. This trailer made my head hurt. Lots of flashing images and loud noises and movie stars. Doesn't Oliver Stone know I have a headache? Savage! I'm not too interested in this one as I am not very much into drugs or murder... at least not at the moment.

I'd like to take a moment now to apologize to MTR punching bag, Channing Tatum. I saw 21 Jump Street and you were actually pretty funny in it, Channing. There's your niche... teen comedy. I'll understand if you don't forgive me after all the mean things I've said about you in our weekly rundowns, because honestly, I'll probably never forgive you for Dear John.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter from TKAA
John 11: 25-26

Also from egg version of my cat, Starvin'

FoW MTR: April 6

by David Hammock and Stephan Rabbitt

The Giant Mechanical Man




Hammock: I'll go ahead and ask the question on everyone's mind (no, not "Where's Jim?"): How did the bespectacled fellow from Mad Men pull Malin Akerman? Is he funny or something? Anyway, this movie looks fairly promising, what with the little Sundance leaves in the title card and all. It should be fun to see Pam Beasley step out from behind the receptionist desk and take on a semi-serious role... even if it is opposite a giant man-robot. While these quirky little indie romantic comedies almost always pique my interest, I sometimes find them on the trite side, but we'll give this one the benefit of the doubt. Here's to hoping for Garden State, but expecting Lars and the Real Girl.


Rabbitt: I think we all know the answer to how he pulled Malin Akerman... his superior abilities in the area of mental math. They strike again! I'm sure you have experienced this in your life as well. Generally, I like this type of movie. At worst, I'm looking at a movie that is just okay with little chance to bomb with me. The real question though: Is the Tin Man only after Pam's heart because the Wizard turned him away?


Step Up Revolution

 


Rabbitt: One small step up for man, one giant leap down for movie goers. The best part about watching this trailer on YouTube is that it recommends Justin Bieber's new single "Boyfriend" at the end. I guess they are shooting for the 99% here with their protest dancing while the big bad businessman uses money that he earned while working a job to buy up all the cool stuff. 
The nerve. The only place Step Up Revolution is going to occupy is the dollar theater about a week after release.


Hammock: If I'm watching this movie, I'm rooting for Sandy Cohen from the O.C. (Don't call it that.) Seriously, I hope all those dancers go to jail for causing that traffic jam. Pop, lock, don't drop the soap. And if you're gonna dance to protest Miami millionaires, at least pick ones worth the funk assembly... the Miami Marlins. Worst uniforms ever? You're right Stephan, the businessman probably worked his tail off, doing hours upon hours of mental math to get where he's at in life, only to be made the villain by a bunch of tools doing the running man. What is it about South Beach that makes so many losers want to take their talents there?


Rock of Ages

 


Hammock: Country music is the worst musical genre, but 80s hair metal isn't far behind. This movie revolves around the music of Bon Jovi, Journey, Poison, and a handful of other bands I won't let within a mile of my iPod, so I just don't see myself enjoying this one. As is the case with Step Up 4, if I am forced into seeing this movie, I'll be rooting for the rich, uptight businessperson (this time it's Catherine Zeta-Jones) to prevail over the obnoxious, raucous youth. I'm a big fan of Malin, but not of metal, musicals, or miscreants... all the Akermans in the world won't change that. Even if Twisted Sister themselves offer me a free ticket, I'm not gonna take it.


Rabbitt: It seems the editor is sorting this week's trailers by Ackerman. Keep it up, T.S. Apparently, Anne Hathaway and Amy Adams were initially offered the role but were previously engaged with Dark Knight Rises and Man of Steel, respectively. Rock of Ages didn't really have a prayer with us. I also don't care for 80's rock. I'm actually a huge fan of a bar in Atlanta where the bartenders have a button to skip songs played on the jukebox and skip Journey every time someone plays it. Anyway you want it... psych!


To Rome with Love

 


Rabbitt: As much as I loved Midnight in Paris, it's no surprise that I'm very excited about Woody Allen's next release. The trailer has the same ambiance as MiP; I feel like they moved to Rome, changed the cadence of the accordion and called it a day. Last time I saw Ellen Page was Inception, where she was excellent, but it's great to see her back in the type of movie that showcases her acting talent a bit more. I still haven't seen Social Network, so this will serve as my gentle, Jessie Eisenbergish reminder that it's 2012.


Hammock: Gotta love Ellen Page. Or do I? As much as I liked her as Juno and Babe Ruthless, her character in this one seems like a giant ho-bag. Ms. Page serves as a microcosm of my feelings toward Woody Allen movies: I want to like them, but sometimes I just can't. Like Stephan, I liked Mid**ght in Paris, mostly because it was lighthearted and endearing, but many Woody Allen movies are so morally flawed that I can't get behind them. I realize, of course, that 99% of people in Hollywood don't share my ideals, but for some reason Woody Allen strikes me as particularly morally bankrupt. Maybe it's the whole married-to-his-daughter thing. Anyway, I'm a fan of Game of Thrones, which is completely devoid of any morality, so I'm kind of a hypocrite. Still, that's a heck of a lot better than that whole married-to-your-daughter thing.


David Hammock and Stephan Rabbitt are both excellent at mental math... ladies. For demonstrations of their skills you should send them flash cards or follow them on Twitter@david_hammock and @itsrabbitt.