Colorblind = Winning

Wabi Sabi is the Japanese mindset that centers around the belief that our imperfections are what make us perfect. Now, I don't necessarily believe in Japan, but I think there's some truth to that. What would the Liberty Bell be without its crack? Where would Cindy Crawford be without her trademark mole? Yes, sometimes it is our flaws that make us who we are. Sometimes what seems like a handicap is really a blessing.

Such is the case with colorblindness.

Sure, there are times when being colorblind is a disadvantage: It's hard to tell what flavor jello is in front of you until you take a bite, rainbows just look like frowns, Weezer albums are very confusing... but let's not worry about these. Let's get our Wabi Sabi on and think about the positive aspects of being colorblind. I'll tell you one... being colorblind is awesome if you wanna win at board games.

Twister - No more of this left-hand-blue/right-foot-yellow nonsense... all the dots are gray. Left foot gray? Done.

Connect Four - Normal people (or Normies as I like to call them) might see alternating red and black chips across the board. People who are colorblind see 128 different connect fours. Win.

Uno - Let's see, I have to play a 7... dang it, I don't have any of those... oh wait, it's a gray 7! I have lots of grays! All grays! Everyone better hope the dude to my left has a ton of skips or this game is over.

Clue - "I think it's the gray piece in the kitchen with the revolver."
"You mean Professor Plum?"
"Yeah yeah yeah yeah."

Trivial Pursuit - Get one question right and you've already got all the different colored wedges. Game over.

Monopoly - Okay, Monopoly sucks if you're colorblind. You have to own everything on the board before you can start building hotels. Also, it's a known fact that colorblind people are terrible at rolling doubles.

 

By the way, if you can't see a "10" in the picture at the top, you're probably colorblind.

Potterless

Pottermore. I'm not exactly sure what Pottermore is, but wikipedia describes it as a place online where:  

Users will be able to participate in interactive reading experiences or "moments" beginning with the first book Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. After choosing a username, the users will move through the chapters and "follow" Harry. Among other things, users will be able to visit Diagon Alley, be sorted into houses, and learn spells. 

Essentially, it doesn't matter what it is... it's Harry Potter and I'm interested. So when I find out that there's early registration, of course I'm game. This registration, however, is not for the faint of heart. Long story short, I had to be awake at 5AM and had to jump through all sorts of hoops just to register. But I did. At the end of registration, you get to pick a username. Sadly, you don't get to pick your own, but you do get five choices to pick from. Here's where the story turns sour.  The best, the BEST option I was given was FlameKey. Yes, Flamekey. FlameKey... the answer to the question, "what opens a gay lock?" FlameKey... the username that 2nd graders think is juvenile. FlameKey... the username that's too ostentatious for Elton John and Richard Simmons. UGH. I stayed up until 5AM and I get to be FlameKey. And what do my friends get? CatSkull, PotionMaster, OwlStud, UnicornBludger. Why couldn't I get UnicornBludger? This is codswallop.

I bet all the other Pottermore users are gonna call me LameKey. I'll get auto-sorted into Hufflepuff and become a librarian's apprentice... or the guy that empties Mrs. Norris' litter box. I'll have a toad as a pet, a wand made from a smelting stick, and I'll be a Mudblood born of some sort of wizard rape. I'll be the first wizard to die in a game of exploding snap, causing Zonko's to recall the product and everyone will forever hate FlameKey for ruining a super fun game. No one will come to my wizard funeral except for Ivan Karkaroff and that's just to rob my grave.

Thanks a lot, Pottermore.

You're a Great Guy... But

I've never heard this myself or anything, but I hear, um, from a friend, that the 4 words a guy never wants to hear from a girl are "you're a great guy" because they're always followed by "but... (insert something bad here.)" For instance:

From a girl you like: "You're a great guy... but I just don't feel that way about you."

From that girl you just proposed to: "You're a great guy... but I'm already married."

Even from a cop: "You're a great guy... but you were going 25 over and I'm gonna hafta give you a ticket."

We've all been there... except for me, I mean. So I propose a change on my friend's behalf... never again shall the words "you're a great guy" be followed by anything that isn't also great. For instance:

From a girl you like: "You're a great guy... so let's do it."

From that girl you just proposed to: "You're a great guy... so yes. Oh, I forgot to tell you, my family is super rich."

From the cop: "You're a great guy... wanna fire my gun?"